I was diagnosed with a severe anxiety and depression disorder when I was just twelve years old, and I have been struggling ever since. I have never been very open about it until now, which is why this article is not anonymous.
When I entered sixth grade, I was stressed and anxious about things that someone that young should not have to worry about. Barely having entered the stage of adolescence, my parents and I just assumed it was because of every day “middle school drama” that every young girl has to experience at some point in her life. It was until I reached high school that I realized how anxiety had consumed my life.
For those who are not familiar with anxiety and depression, it is much more than experiencing stress in your every-day life. I was unhappy, irritated, irrational, emotional and obsessive compulsive. So much so, my parents decided to schedule me an appointment with a doctor.
I have been seeing psychologists, therapists, and psychiatrists weekly ever since. For the longest time I was very embarrassed about seeing doctors so frequently. I wanted that part of my life to be hidden from everyone, and the best way to do that was to pretend that everything was fine. Every day I struggled to smile and interact with others. I would go to school, come home, and immediately go to my room to do my homework. That was my every day routine until I reached sophomore year of high school, when my family and I realized the anxiety and depression had completely consumed my whole life.
The term “anxiety and depression” should never be underestimated for any reason. It is a very powerful and life-altering mindset that can become extremely difficult to take control over. Imagine, waking up in the morning and immediately having butterflies in your stomach because you were terrified of what could go wrong during the day. I would think of every worst case scenario possible and act like there was a 99% chance of them happening.
Anxiety is feeling like everything is doomed to be a failure before it even happens. If you tell yourself enough times the outcome will be bad, you will believe them.
Anxiety and depression affected me so greatly, it began to impact the relationships I had with others. I struggled to maintain healthy relationships with friends and family. I found it difficult to communicate with them because when I did, it lead to anger and lashing out on people I deeply cared about.
After years of feeling worthless, anxious and depressed, I realized it was time to put an end to feeling like I was the only person on the planet who struggled.
There is nothing wrong with asking for help because everyone on this earth has internal battles they are trying to fight.
To anyone who struggles with anxiety and depression, you are not alone in this fight.
So please, ask for help, talk to a friend and tell someone how you’re feeling. Don’t think that you aren’t normal, because thousands of people are dealing with the same issues.
Just like I’m okay, you’ll be okay too, Collegiettes. Just believe.