This past October, I celebrated one year of complete sobriety.
I have been asked how it started and why it started, and while addiction can be a complicated subject to broach at the best of times, I will explain it like this:
When you are baking, it’s normal to create quite a mess.
But regardless of how messy it may get – it is your job to clean it up.
That’s what sobriety has been to me; I had made a huge mess of my life, and it was my job to clean it up.
Just as I rinse my Cuisinart mixer accessories and Lysol the kitchen counters, I stripped my life of all that was poisoning it and made it sparkle once more.
I do not aim to oversimplify – addiction is a multi-faceted, shape-shifting monster, and it isn’t easy to identify or defeat this monster.
I will only speak for my own experience in overcoming the beast of addiction.
I knew it was time for change when I couldn’t stop shaking.
I knew it was time for change when I was apathetic to almost everything in my life.
I knew it was time for change when I didn’t recognize myself any longer.
The scariest part of this journey was the very beginning – taking that first step, admitting that I needed to change. This isn’t to say that I thought I was perfect, but to admit that you think you are an addict is to put yourself in a very vulnerable position. I had no idea how to share this information or what to expect as a reaction.
Could I text it? “Hey, happy Monday. I’m an alcoholic,” didn’t seem like a very socially appropriate message to send.
Was I a freak? None of my friends were sober.
I knew this was necessary, not only to my health but to my survival.
Through my addiction, I had lost trust in myself.
Luckily, my story took a turn for the better.
In my first year of sobriety, I have learned that being in the company of the wrong people can feel lonelier than simply being by yourself.
I have learned that I have more power than I realize.
I have learned that I am completely in control of how I navigate this world and how I treat others.
I have learned that I owe it to the people that care about me and love me to take care of myself properly.
I have learned that it is worth it to sit with those impossibly painful emotions because avoiding them will hurt you more in the long run – work through your problems, don’t ignore them.
In the past year, I found a way to connect with myself like I haven’t been able to for a very long time.
If I were to impart one lesson onto anyone reading this who may be feeling sober curious, it would be to try it out – even if you don’t feel like you have an addiction.
See if you can go to a family party or a social gathering without wielding your favourite pinot grigio like a shield, or even just practice the habit of saying “No” instead of feeling obliged to say “Yes” when offered a drink.
If I can do it, anyone can.