Bell Let’s Talk Day is one of my favourite days of the year. As someone with a mental illness, it is an annual reminder that people are looking out for me and that there are so many people like me in a similar situation.
But what about people like you — people who want to support those with mental illnesses? Tweeting #BellLetsTalk is a great start, but you can bring your support well beyond the one day of hashtag bombardment. Here are some tips on how to help your friend with a mental illness!
Just ask them how they are and be genuine about it. I don’t mean a passive “Hey, how’s it going.” I mean asking them how their mental health is today and listening to it. Even if they don’t want to talk about it, they’ll remember that you care for when they do.
Try to understand that we aren’t stereotypes. Anxiety, for example, isn’t just panic attacks when things get tough. It can come up as irritability too, and people with the illness might be more short-tempered than usual. Try to understand that there are a lot of side effects that aren’t often talked about, and be patient with us.
And don’t take it personally if we’re having a bad day. Sometimes we may have to cancel plans or leave early. Sometimes we might need a wine night and to cry over a sappy movie instead. We can’t predict how we’re going to be feeling in advance, and your understanding is always going to be so valuable.
One of the most important things to remember is that you don’t need to let your mental health suffer by taking care of us. Everyone’s mental health is worth the same, and it’s not helpful to put your own down to build someone up. If you can’t help us right now, we understand.
Acknowledge us for ourselves — outside of our illness. In the same way that a person with a physical disability still has a brain beyond a body that won’t cooperate, we have thoughts and feelings, interests and abilities, beyond our mental health! Ask us about them, and participate with us, if you can, just like you would with your other friends! It feels great to forget sometimes, especially with someone you care about.
If you don’t understand, don’t hesitate to ask. It will mean a lot instead of having you jump to conclusions. Of course, recognize that we are not obligated to teach you, but a lot of us are really willing to talk and explain things in the right setting. We want you to understand us, and we want to connect!
One thing that I wish more people understood is that none of us have to be a martyr for our illnesses. We don’t have to share our stories on Bell Let’s Talk Day, and we don’t have to open up to it publicly. We all have our own comfort level that we can explore. None of us have to speak out if we aren’t comfortable. We might share it with the world, we might just share it with you. Don’t try to push us if we don’t want to go further.
Finally, know that we genuinely appreciate your love and support. A lot of the time, it feels like the whole world is against us. Tagging us in a meme or sending us a Snapchat of a cute dog reminds us that we are loved and valued. Just being a true friend is enough.
Make sure you tweet your #BellLetsTalk on January 31st to donate to mental health initiatives, but also make sure to tell your friends you love them! You never know what someone might be going through, and your helping hand and support can make a world of difference.