Happiness. An abstract concept with infinite unpredictable variables, it’s no wonder anyone seems to have any real answers about how to achieve it. Well, I got sick of not having answers. When you ask someone what their goal in life is, more often than not, that answer is simply “to be happy,” so why aren’t there more guidelines for getting there?
I found the most thorough, comprehensive analysis of the path to happiness in Jonathan Haidt’s “The Happiness Hypothesis,” which combines ancient philosophical wisdom with modern psychological science to produce applicable advice to your everyday life. Here are my main takeaways.
1. Diagnose Yourself. You need to know what your starting point is (the 50-80% of your baseline happiness that’s genetically determined), what your challenges are, and what your strengths are so you can overcome them. www.authentichappiness.org exists for this purpose (Take the “General Happiness Scale,” the “Satisfaction with Life Scale,” and the “Optimism Test.” The strength test can also be useful.)
2. Mental Hygiene. If you have to choose between changing your thinking or changing the world to make it conform to your wishes, odds are you’re going to have to learn how to manipulate your thought process. One of the most effective ways to do so is through meditation, which Haidt suggests trying for 15 minutes a day, every day for a month.
3. Improve your relationships. Much of our happiness comes from our connections with other people, but we have to put conscious effort into cultivating these relationships. Even introverts who think they want to spend a lot of time alone perk up and get happier when they are around other people (from chapters 2 and 6). Even if you’re lucky enough to see the people you care about and who care about you on a regular basis, relationships must be nurtured and enjoyed, not just known about and filed away.
4. Use your strengths every day. Take your top five strengths (you can use the strength test from #1 for this) and find a way to use at least one of them every day. If you are strong on “love of learning,” do some extra reading about a subject your passionate about. If you are strong on loving or social intelligence, reach out more directly to peers who are going through a hard time. Give yourself small challenges related to your strengths and you’ll have the frequent rewards of progress and more frequent gratifications.
5. Reciprocity is key. Many of our interactions are influenced on the principle of reciprocity, which is why we feel guilty when we don’t return a favor or feel the need to insult someone back when they do the same to us. Studies show that that we’d even prefer to get nothing rather than receive an unfair share. Use the principle of reciprocity the next time you fight with your friend or roommate: By admitting something that you did wrong, they will in turn do the same, releasing tension and helping both of you resolve the conflict.
6. Focus on your work. According to Haidt, “Love and work are to people what water and sunshine are to plants.” In order to be happy and in order to grow, people need to be challenged in their work constantly and feel the rewards of putting effort into it. The progress principle explains that we draw much more happiness from working towards a goal, rather than reaching it, and that essentially the more you put in, the more you get out.
7. Embrace your struggles. It often takes a crisis for us to see what needs to be changed in our lives, which is why adversity can make us happier. This is especially true for people in their teens and twenties, AKA college students, who spend a lot of time thinking and looking for meaning in their lives. A crisis gives you the chance to see what your true desires are, which can help you readjust your goals.
8. Connect to something Bigger. Haidt believes that in a way, we are libe bees: our lives only make full sense as members of a larger hive, or as cells in a larger body. Even if you’re an atheist, belief in things like karma, destiny or fortune is a good thing. Belief gives us a sense of awe, because it makes us realize that we’re a small part of something much greater.