Every Valentine’s Day, I feel a sense of melancholy. While I try to push this aside, it is difficult when I have had a continuous streak of failed relationships, or as I call them, “situationships.” I have tried every tactic in the book: playing games, being yourself, being distant, but spoiler alert: nothing works. Maybe it is because I ask for too much, but in reality, I’m just asking for someone to respect me.
In the modern day, with rancid dating apps and social anxieties, there is certainly no Mr. Darcys appearing in the library. Every time a man makes me feel respected and loved, those feelings of joy turn into self-loath as I begin to solely receive text messages at the witching hour. I did not start getting love-bombed until I went to college, which is undoubtedly the worst feeling of them all. Having a man spew lies about how you are the most perfect girl in the world, how no one could ever compare to you, and how you just must meet their parents within the first week, only for him to change into an absolute monster days later. I am not ashamed to say I have been gullible multiple times and led to believe that they will fall for me if I just sleep with them.
I think of my friends who have dreadful boyfriends and are unhappy. They could leave these boyfriends, but I understand that they mostly stay out of fear of being alone. Even though I have been alone for three years, sometimes I get scared. The feeling of never finding the right person is anxiety-inducing and consumes my mind multiple times a week.
As a professional woman, I wonder when the relationship will strike. I wonder if it will fit in my timeline. I wonder if I will be able to have children, or will I meet my husband too late? Sometimes, I am scared to think or say these things as it will come off as desperate.
Now the question is, how do we get over this desperation? How do we get rid of the anxiety? How do we feel content with ourselves?
- Love Yourself
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As cheesy as it sounds, it is true. I started to feel so happy being single once I started to grow confidence. Self-love is definitely a “take it day by day” type of mentality, and some days can be a lot more challenging than others. For me, an easy way to start developing self-love is to stop criticizing myself. I used to look into the mirror and critique every flaw, blemish, and bump. Any time I catch myself doing that, I immediately remind myself of the traits that I love about myself. This small change to my mindset has implemented so much more natural confidence for me.
- Steer Clear of Hooking up
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Now as someone who used to partake in hookup culture, I can admit that it can be fun and exciting. But for me, I have noticed that I simply cannot do it. I either leave catching feelings for the person or disgusted at myself for stooping below my usual standards. Once I made this realization, I have made a rule with myself to not hookup with people anymore, as it leaves me extremely unfulfilled most of the time. I don’t think hookup culture is a bad thing, for some people, it is healthy. However, it’s important to realize that it isn’t for everyone, and when I realized it isn’t for me, I started feeling a lot better about myself.
- Prioritize your well-being
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Whether it is sleeping, eating the foods that make you feel good, or working out, bettering your overall wellness is a good start to better your mental health. Any time I have not focused on my wellness, I tend to fall into bouts of overwhelming feelings. What I try to do is prioritize my sleep, eat clean, and get some form of movement. Wellness looks different for everyone, but it is important to treat your body kindly because it makes your mind feel a lot better.
- Strengthen your friendships
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In prior relationships, I would toss my friends to the side and not pay attention to them. This hurt me a lot because when the crappy man was gone, I was left with nothing. I have been single for three years now, and I can say that I am extremely happy with my friend group. I prioritize going out with my friends, rather than a man. Friends mean much more than a boyfriend; they will be there to pick you up when that toxic short king fails you. I never understood how valuable having a strong network of women by your side is until I stopped prioritizing my love life.
I never thought I would be in a place where I would be able to say I have this many friends, and I am so grateful for each and every one of them. Having a good support system will always benefit you in the future. Plus, I think I have much more fun with my friends than awkward dates.
In conclusion, sometimes it is hard being single, but I am actively trying to feel better and more content with myself. As I have written these steps out, I’ve realize that I need to work harder to actively better myself. I hope if you are reading this and are in the same predicament as me during this season of love, you can realize just as I have that being single is something to be celebrated.