I have always been a yes man, but recently I have learned the beauty of the word “no.” All of my life, I never thought of myself as a “people-pleaser.” I never fit the mold of the picture-perfect, happy go lucky, sweet girl who will always lend a helping hand, so I never thought I had a problem with saying yes too much. Looking back I can see that there have been too many times in my life where I have stayed in friendships, relationships, commitments, jobs and so many other things simply because I was too afraid to say no and think about what I wanted, so I am here to deliver a few confessions of an ex-people pleaser.
I have had to learn the hard way that losing friends is something that will happen to me. I always wanted to be everyone’s perfect friend. I offered to drive, even when I didn’t have gas, I would laugh at a joke that was at my expense, I would put my happiness on hold for the happiness of people who didn’t really care about me until I realized that I didn’t want to surround myself with people I don’t like. I have found that quality is much more important than quantity, and you should leave the people that don’t make you feel great about who you are, no matter how hard it is.
Another thing that I have learned on my journey to becoming a “no” person is to set boundaries for myself in work settings. To a lot of people saying no to taking an additional shift is hard, but one day could mean a lot to your mental health. I had extreme guilt saying no to my bosses in the past, but I have learned that they do not own me, even though sometimes it felt like I had no autonomy.
It’s okay to not like things even though others want you to like it. I tell myself every day that it is okay to not like things because, for so long, I felt as though when I said, “this isn’t for me,” I was letting people down. Disappointing others is a people pleaser’s worst nightmare, but I have embraced the fact that it’s okay to not like what others like. There are very few people in the world who like everything introduced to them. It’s refreshing to acknowledge that you don’t have to. I thought that my world would stop if I wasn’t constantly doing what others wanted me to and putting what I want to the side.
Since I have started saying no and doing what I want, I have found things that make me happy for no other reason other than I do them for myself. I have found people who care about me deeply and in a way that shows they love me for me. There are so many ways to take care of yourself, but the best thing I ever did was stop living for other people and start living for myself.