I am sure when someone asks you what you’re looking for in the person that you’re dating, you have at least three personality attributes that come to mind and probably picture the physical build you would prefer. Let’s mix things up and make them interesting so SCRATCH ALL’A DAT! If you are single or dating (basically anyone not in a monogamous relationship), then you may be able to do a little something with this advice I’m about to give you. What if…instead of going for the same type of guy or gal, you switch it up?! *gasp* Stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this! When I’m doing my every day bouncing from one social media outlet to the other (Facebook, Instagram, pre-updateSnapchat, Twitter), I see a lot of relationships flourishing, but a lot of people who are just plain out frustrated with the dating pool. I am a millennial and I will say that some of us do really suck, BUT there are a whole lot of us that don’t suck! It seems like the dating pool shrinks a little bit the older and wiser you get, but that’s not the dating pool shrinking, it’s your list of standards getting a little bit longer. Keep those standards–by all means! I like to think that standards, as long as they’re within reason, are the guidelines that we call ourselves using as non-negotiables so we can ward off the players and the time-wasters…unless you’re into those things. Anyway, so the dating pool gets a little more crowded, but also less appealing. I just may have a solution for you.
Okay, so before you try to read my mind and tell me what I’m going to tell you, NO, you are NOT too picky. I believe we all want what we want. However, there is this thing that I see trending in my generation called overlooking. There may not be a sea of eligible bachelors/bachelorettes who are on your level, but I can almost guarantee, there is someone that you have friend-zoned/a DM you have left unread/a date that you keep postponing. While you can’t force yourself to like someone, I have found that sometimes you fall for the personality before you can catch yourself and those have been the most successful relationships that I have seen. Instead of evaluating the body or the face that you see–sometimes through your cellular device, not even in person–taking the time to get to know the person before declaring that they’re not for you. Hey, they may not be! My point is, if you are compatible and they meet your standards, what’s the harm in dating to figure it out? Or at least entertaining a few conversations of substance (let’s take it farther than the “wyd’s” and the “how are you’s”). Just because they’re not packaged the way that you’re used to your significant others being sent to you, doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t make a great asset to your love life! Besides, if it looks and acts JUST like your previous boo’s, wouldn’t that make for a higher chance of this one becoming an EX too? Don’t shoot the messenger, but if you want different, you have to seek different and allow different to seek you.
Let’s make one thing clear: I am not endorsing scrubs or title-teasers (you know, the type that make you think you’ll have a relationship, but never actually commit). We left all of those, and others related, in 2017. So this year we are seeking more for ourselves, which is why I’m telling you now to get out of the habit of accepting the same ol’ thing you’ve been doing. If it hasn’t worked yet, it probably won’t. I keep feeling the need to clarify because I know how easily people create lines to read between. There are no hidden messages here, homegirls and homeboys! Adjusting your type calls for raising the bar, not settling for the next one down! The best way to explain would be a comparison: We will use shoes in this example. You find the perfect pair of shoes–cute, affordable, the whole nine yards. BUT the gag is, they’re a brand you’re not used to wearing. Is that reason enough not to at least try them on for size? This is the point that we all say in unison, “of course not!” Because who doesn’t love a good shoe? Now, the brand is enough to stop some people, but you just have to decide if you’re going to be one of those people. Will you let the unfamiliarity stop you from getting into something with great potential?
If there’s someone on your mind, I highly encourage you to reach out to them. Here’s a conversation starter: talk about how much you hate the new Snapchat update (it’s something we can ALL agree on @Snapchat I hope you see this). Just consider keeping more of an open mind in terms of dating and wading in the dating pool. Don’t limit your options! Use your intuition, but also remember that some people are still glowing up, figuring life out, and coming into their own. And you are too! Try not to be too hard on yourself or your potential suitors. And if you are on the pursuing end, then maybe you should go for something new and see what comes of it. And of course, if this doesn’t apply directly to you then help a friend! The best shots come from great assists.
It could be an opposites attract type of thing or one of those sweet instances where you both keep missing each other because life is getting in the way, regardless of the circumstances that may be deterring you make sure that YOU aren’t one of them. Get out of your own way so the person you’re meant to be with has room to come in. If you’re seeking a good and healthy relationship it will come soon enough. Sending everyone wonderful and vibrant Valentine’s Day vibes!
-HCxo!!