Whenever people would tell me to be more positive, or I’d see articles about being positive, I would roll my eyes and move on. But don’t close this article just yet, because this isn’t one of those, “think positively and everything will go well,” articles. We shouldn’t pitch positivity as a fix-all or even something that’s easy to do; that turns people away from trying it. When I started to view positive thinking in a sort of silver lining way, it got easier for me to do.
Positive thinking is more than stopping negativity—it’s about creating positivity.
Positive thinking can be one of the most difficult things we do on the mental plane. To think positively when you need it most, you have to be on a constant vigilance. It’s almost effortless to think positively on a good day, at a special event, or something like that. The challenge of positive thinking is incorporating it so it’s in the back of your brain when something not so great happens. For me, the first few successful days of positive thinking involved me noticing what I normally wouldn’t think twice about. This was as small as getting up on time, making it to all my classes, and a few other things. Instead of just going about my day, after I did those things I sort of congratulated myself for something like getting up on time. Sometimes it feels pathetic that I feel proud about doing these small things, like they should be easy. We’re told not to compare ourselves physically to others, and this applies to the self-congratulatory idea. For example, someone who doesn’t run would be proud of running a 10-minute mile, whereas Ussain Bolt would be disgraced. Why not apply that way of thinking to mental health? One person’s struggle may be so easy it’s almost thoughtless for someone else, but we should always feel proud when we conquer our struggles, even if just for a day. In this way, the key to positivity is not only in banishing negative thoughts, but adding positive thoughts about something you wouldn’t have thought about before.
Being positive doesn’t have to be unrealistic.
This aspect of positive thinking reminds me of Jess from New Girl. She stands out in my memory as an incredibly upbeat and positive person. These are great traits, but Jess also isn’t afraid to admit when her feelings are negative. I think that’s the best thing about positive thinking. You build up your positive thoughts, but you recognize that positive thinking doesn’t guarantee happiness. On days when my positive thinking goes well, I still don’t always feel great or even good at the end of the day. Even so, if I made it through the day with my sanity mostly intact, I consider that a good day. Positive thinking doesn’t mean you can’t react to something when it truly bums you out. It helps you realize when you were getting really frustrated about small things and then really know when you’re not okay. Positive thinking should never shut down our feelings, instead it helps moderate them a bit. As Jess knows, sometimes ugly crying without fear of judgment is what we need.
Positive thinking isn’t lying to yourself
At first it might feel like you’re lying to yourself, but it’s just reassuring yourself of something true. And if you try the strategy of thinking positively about the little things, the feeling of lying to yourself is a lot less likely to show up in your head. If you believe that you’re doing well, that can help you face things later in the day that might have been more challenging without positive thinking to boost you up.
Positivity spreads
One person being positive can change someone’s day more than you might know. It happens to each of us, but we rarely learn when we help improve someone’s day.