We live in a world fueled by fear; whether it be the inevitable demise of our dying planet, rising levels of gun violence, or government officials supporting white supremacy, we are not lacking in the terror department. It makes sense then, that self-care be promoted so heavily, especially to our youth. With disaster around every corner, we need all need a little something to take the edge off. There are numerous blogs, articles, and twitter threads on how to decompress and treat yourself. However, much of this information centers around face masks, pints of ice cream, and binge watching whatever will take your mind of the harsh realities of life. Self-care has been engulfed by our capitalistic society, falling victim to our culture of consumerism, and while these can be important aspects of caring for oneself, true self-care is about more than retail therapy; it involves accountability and a critical analyzation and understanding of what your body and mind really need.
As someone who struggles daily with mental illness, self-care can be a tricky concept to grasp and implement. There are numerous ways to unwind and destress, however they vary from person to person, situation to situation. For example, self-care for one might be skipping a school assignment or class to recalibrate. For another, going to class and turning in the work might be what they need to satiate anxiety. Each person has different needs, and it’s up to the individual to be honest and learn how to best navigate self-care.
For me, self-care is complicated. I have been known to mope and wallow in my mishaps. Don’t get me wrong; there is a time and place for an ugly, obnoxious cry. However, part of taking care of my mind is practicing self-talk that promotes the passing of hard feelings. Picking myself up and firmly (yet kindly) saying “you simply cannot lay here and cry for three hours straight.” Self- care for me is choosing to show up to class, even when I feel strongly that I’m an imposter among my peers. It’s cooking a meal instead of eating out. It’s turning in a less than perfect assignment, even though the perfectionist in me is upset and protesting. Each of these self-preserving (and yes, self-care is a form of self-preservation) actions requires that 1) I am aware of what I can (honestly) handle, and 2) accountability to myself to do my best with what I have on any given day. Without a critical awareness and accountability, self-care can result in taking the easy way out and giving into the critics. There have been many times in my life where, in the name of self-care, I have sabotaged my future self. Self-care shouldn’t come at the expense of future you, which is why it is crucial to practice self-reflexivity to find what works best for you.
Self-care is a constant eb and flow, changing with the moons, shifting with the seasons. It’s rinsing the dish instead of leaving it on your already covered bedside table, going to therapy, reaching out to friends. Self-care is taking a shower for the first time in four days, blocking their number, going to the doctor, masterbating, wearing the shirt that highlights your rolls (they’re cute, btw). It’s saying no when you mean it and saying yes when it scares you. Self-care can be difficult; it requires attention and effort and insight into your needs. That is not to say, however, that self-care isn’t also eating the pint of ice cream, drinking the glass (or four) of wine, buying the shoes, taking the nap, and checking out of reality from time to time. It is all of these things and more, depending on the day, depending on the heaviness of your heart. Life is hard and existing is exhausting, so why not try to make our minds and bodies a place of peace and respite. At the end of the day, self-care is whatever you do to show up for yourself and knowing you are worth showing up for.