My anxiety is not my friend.
It shows up at the most unexpected times. Like a long lost person I haven’t seen in awhile… It gives me a crushing embrace but the comfort is hardly there.
It checks in on me, to see if I am doing things wrong. Even when things seem to be going right, it does not let it go. It convinces me that I have messed up, even if I haven’t.
It reminds me of all of my insecurities. My height. My weight. My face. My voice. Even if I felt comfortable with myself moments before, it swoops in and tells me that I am not enough.
It tells me that I am failing or will fail at whatever I am doing. No matter what positive things people can tell me, my anxiety always screams louder. It tells me not to believe them.
I have come to realize that I am my own worst enemy because of my anxiety. This figment of my imagination follows me like a shadow, but I am the only one who seems to see it. The only person standing in the way of my dreams and goals is me.
Everyone around me sees a confident, outgoing young woman who seems to have it together. But no one realizes what’s really going on sometimes in my head.
However, the most important thing I have learned is that my anxiety cannot become me, no matter how hard it tries to. In the end, I am the one who chooses my own destiny. I am still in the driver’s seat, no matter what it’s telling me.
In the end, anxiety is not my friend. But it is also not my enemy. It keeps me motivated. It forces me to find an outlet to express my feelings, and I write my best pieces then.
I know that it is the only thing standing in my way between me and my goals, and I refuse to let my anxiety control my ultimate life destination.
HC XOXO,
Danielle