Imagine you have broken up with a friend and took your time to heal. You will feel like everything is going to be fine for the first time in a while. But, what if later you find out the same person, who was one of your closest friends, is making up lies and spreading false rumors about you? Probably, you will be astonished at first by the news (or maybe not, it all depends). A wave of anger might invade your thoughts, making you ask yourself multiple questions like, “What did I do wrong?” or, “How did I not notice before?” . . . At such point, multiple thoughts might take over your mind, overwhelming you with sadness, disappointment, and powerlessness.
These false statements are called defamation and they have the power to harm someone’s reputation, which can result in serious consequences. Have you ever suffered from it? Did you know defamation is categorized in two types? A libel defamatory statement is the written false accusation of a person or entity, while slander is when a person makes an oral false accusation. The last one is the most difficult to deal with since there is no concrete evidence of those false accusations to take to a court. There would only be testimonies from the people who have heard the accusation first hand and, with great luck, have a recording of the person expressing the defamatory claims. How can you prove these statements are completely false to be categorized as a slander defamatory statement? Well, that is the tricky part.
In simple words, slander or libel defamation can be carried out to court if it involves loss of money, business, employment, medical treatment, pain and suffering, and you can prove:
- The claim was published or heard by other people. (Intended to harm reputation)
- The defamatory statement can be proven false. (With evidence)
- The allegation caused damage. (Physical, emotional, psychological or financially)
- The statement was unprivileged. (Can be proven as defamation)
Now, if the defamation does not meet the requirements for lawsuit. What should you do? What happened with the defamatory statements that have been made up by that person? In this case, a slander defamatory claim is common. As I already mentioned, this is the most complicated to collect evidence which could lead to further emotional damage and more so if it was expressed by a person you once had a friendship with. Slandering can provoke insecurity upon oneself, thoughts of fault, harassment, social problems, trust issues, and suffering among other serious consequences. A common reaction is to be angry before these false accusations. Anyone who knows what it feels like to have someone spreading lies about you to “friends” or random people can agree that situations like these are hard to let go.
Being slandered makes you feel powerless because those people can be easily influenced into believing those lies without any proof. Stop for a moment and think about who the slandering is really exposing, the one who is being slandered or the slanderer? Slandering is never about the person who is being slandered since it says more about the personality, character, and qualities of the slanderer.
So, how do you deal with slander defamation? It depends on the type of relationship you had with the slanderer. For this particular case, the relationship with the slanderer was a friendship. First, you must consider the terms in which the relationship ended. If it ended on good terms, you could just talk and hear them out. Give the benefit of the doubt and make sure to talk about how you feel and try to understand each other’s perspective. If you manage to have great communication with this person then you are a step ahead.
On the other hand, if the relationship ends on bad terms, with one of the parties avoiding communication, then things can get more complicated. The defamation can be driven by toxic emotions like envy, insecurity, hypocrisy, loneliness, attention seeking, you name it. The slanderer does not have to make harmful accusations directly to damage someone’s reputation. Manipulation can play an important role in some cases. If you have the same circle of friends and the slanderer puts them in the position of deciding who they choose to keep as a friend because it has to be one or the other, that is a form of manipulation. And for the record, the people who believed those false accusations or allowed themselves to be manipulated without looking for evidence were never truly your friends. Be careful not to fall into their toxic cycle of anger and revenge. Toxicity can corrupt you only if you let it happen.
I know it can be painful when someone you once respected is intentionally spreading lies about you; but, after all, the important thing is how you deal with it. There is no better way to silence false accusations than silence. Confusing, right? Probably you are in a lot of anger which is completely normal, but in some situations silence is our best weapon. No one knows for certain the causes behind realizing defamation, but if the slanderer craves attention he does not stand a chance before silence. Because at the end, the people who believed in you will stand by your side no matter what.
You are the one only who defines your identity and character. Those who talk and invent things about others are really just showing their true colors. Meanwhile, you can stand in your power, confident in your truth. Do not overwhelm yourself with overthinking or self-blame. Healing takes time. As hard as it seems, forgive, let go, and do not give importance to those who do not deserve it. Do not be afraid of asking for help. Stay close to your true friends and family because surely you will find courage in those who have always believed in you, and anchor yourself to them. Just remember that if you are suffering from defamation, you are never alone.