Before I begin, this article isn’t here to try and force you into any form of treatment for anxiety. I am here just to share my story, and what worked for me!
I always felt I was at a disadvantage because of my anxiety. Because I couldn’t socialize as easily, or even walk through a grocery stores without feeling uneasy and shaken up, I never wanted to do anything. My first two years of high school consisted of doing only what was needed, and nothing extra. All my free time was spent sleeping, lying in bed watching Netflix, or obsessing over One Direction. At first, I didn’t see a problem with my lifestyle because I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything important. I was watching my life go by through my bedroom window because my anxiety was stopping me from exiting the front door. It was like a constant voice in my head, worrying about every single possibility of everything going on. “What if someone didn’t like my outfit? Does my hair look okay? Did I do all my homework? Did I eat breakfast last Wednesday? Does my locker neighbor think I’m fat because I block half their locker in the mornings?” And the list goes on and on. While these seem like normal things everyone worry about, I let every little thing stop me from being myself.
I was nervous to seek help, because I didn’t think anything was really wrong. “How could I explain that I am worrying myself sick over hypotheticals?” I thought to myself day in and day out. I started going to therapy and taking medication to control my anxiety daily. While the combination of these two methods did not solve all my issues, they have helped dramatically. (I recognize therapy and medication is not a suitable solution for all, but they have personally helped me.) My next two years of high school consisted of cheer competitions, sleepovers, football games, and even a part-time job. I was able to grow into myself a little bit more. And I stopped the medication, and therapy because I thought that I was better. It took me a long time to discover that my anxiety is not something I can cure, but something I can work to control.
After I was doing well in high school, I didn’t want to take my medication anymore. I felt like I didn’t need it because I was “handling it”. But shortly after my first year in college, I was back into my same old habits. I got way ahead of myself and thought I could handle way more than I really could. I took on clubs, projects, and important roles that all required a lot of hard work and attention. I did not put my best work into these things because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I started sleeping my days away, and not focusing on the main reason I was in college: to get an education (duh). I was all over the place and I didn’t know how to get back on track. It was so bad I thought I couldn’t continue with college anymore.
After sitting down and talking with my mom and doctors once more, I decided to get back on medication to help with my anxiety. I also went to my universities councilors office to seek some guidance on how to better my time management skills. After a month, things were looking up. I was starting to want to get back out there. After two months, I joined a sorority and was able to socialize with more people than ever before. I felt more like myself than I ever had, and my anxiety has been under moderate control for some time. High school sophomore Amanda couldn’t even imagine being where I am today. For a long time, I didn’t think I would be able to go to college because I was too anxious to be away from home, or it would just be too much for me. Even when I started college, I didn’t think I couldn’t do it. But I didn’t give up, and I am able to work towards my goal of completely college every day. My anxiety has become manageable. While it isn’t easy, I am able to live with and manage my anxiety daily.