This is Me

Dear anxiety,

You have controlled my life for far too long.  I’m sick of going through every decision, every conversation, and every action by your rules and not my own.  This is why I am giving you your own voice – personifying you – and speaking to you directly to tell you that you no longer can be a part of me.

This is me strengthening my relationships by being the true me, and not the me that you have caused me to become.

This is me laughing at every joke, and not stifling my sense of humor in fear that others will think I’m weird.

This is me wearing my hair in its natural curly form, and not caring if people think it looks unruly or that I look better with straight hair.

This is me speaking in class discussions without my face turning red and sweat forming on my palms.

This is me doing schoolwork without having a meltdown because I think I’m behind schedule when I’m actually more ahead then most of my peers.

This is me texting a friend and not overanalyzing why they used a period, thinking they’re mad at me when in reality they just used punctuation.

This is me dancing to my favorite songs not scared of what other people think of my horrendous dance moves.

This is me going through a day pain free because you won’t be manifesting yourself as a stabbing pain in the lower right part of my stomach.

This is me finally taking a deep breath, the deepest breath I have taken since you unexpectedly entered my life five years ago. The weight you placed on my life is slowly being chipped away with every second I realize you are not real. You are just an emotion, one that I can now control because I now understand you.

This is me taking my life back.

And if you are influencing the lives of other people in the world, I pray they find the same amount of clarity and strength I have found over the past few months in order to eradicate you from their lives. You don’t deserve the mental space you occupy within the heads of others and me, and you certainly don’t deserve the constant attention that we all have been giving you.

This is you, leaving my life, and allowing me to see the world anxiety-free. 

So goodbye, for now, and I hope to not see you for a very long time.

Sincerely,

Danielle