I am a firm believer that everyone should go to therapy. Some people may think you’re weak, far from God or other irrational things that don’t describe people who go to therapy at all. You learn about yourself in therapy, and you also learn how to cope with the world around you.
As I told my therapist that I wanted to show more self-compassion and be kind to myself the way I’m kind to others, I told them that I try to see myself as a temple: a strong place that can weather storms but also must be guarded. My therapist thought this was great, but they told me to think of myself as a plant instead.
“A temple is expected to be strong all the time, but a plant needs constant watering, love and patience. Just like you do.”
They then asked me how many times I think about helping others a day. I told them I couldn’t keep track even if I tried. Then, they asked me how many times I think about helping myself, and I couldn’t answer.
How could I tell them that I never think about taking care of myself because I am always concerned with the happiness of others? How could I tell them that my garden of flowers was dead because I watered someone else’s?
I had thought of myself as a temple that can be left alone for long periods of time in the scorching sun because I am strong, but really, I have been a dry, unfulfilled plant that forgot to check in on myself. I forgot to congratulate the temple for staying so strong because that’s what you expect from temples. That’s what I expected of myself, but the journey to reestablishing self-expectations is a long one, and I have finally taken a step down it.
Why am I telling you about metaphors and flowers and expectations? Because there is a strong possibility that you have left yourself out in the sun for too long, refusing yourself the daily water and love you deserve. But I am here to tell you to tend to yourself and your needs every single day, just like you tend to others.
As women, we are taught from a young age that we are caregivers. As women, we are taught to clean the messes of others and listen diligently. But rarely are we taught to care for ourselves. Rarely are we taught that we are not responsible for other’s happiness but our own. Rarely are we taught to listen to our own needs diligently. So, start today. Teach yourself self-love.
Repeat this with me: I’m a plant. I must care for myself every single day. I am beautiful. I am fragile, but there is beauty in my fragility. I can’t forget to love myself the way I love others.