If you’re anything like me, relaxation feels like a bit of an anomaly. When my schedule is filled and I am constantly busy, I crave the ability to sit on the couch, scroll through TikTok, and not have to worry about anything at all. When I do have the rare opportunity to partake in such relaxation, though, I suddenly feel like sitting around is the last thing I want to do.
I first noticed this about myself in early high school, when I finished taking my first real finals and was suddenly given three weeks of break with no responsibilities. Sure, there were little things, like helping my parents with chores and keeping my room clean, but I was so used to dedicating all my time to working toward a reward (like an A in math class) that not having any obligations — even for just a few weeks — felt foreign to me.
This experience continued every following break. I even noticed myself feeling this way on weekends when I happened to not have homework. I started mentioning how I was feeling to my friends, and they told me they felt the same way.
I began to think about why so many of us often dread completing our work when it’s assigned, but begin to crave it when it’s gone.
I realized that we exist in a system that links our value to our productivity. Even though we may hate staying up late to finish an essay or complete a problem set, we enjoy the ultimate reward of a good grade or praise.Â
From a young age, we learn that our society emphasizes good grades and being well liked (especially as women) as what we need to succeed in life; it’s almost as though we become addicted to feeling productive and accomplished.Â
I believe that the reason I feel so anxious during my relaxation time is because I have been trained to believe that if I am not being actively productive, I am not worthy.Â
However, this is simply not true. There are so many problems with this logic, and I want to address a few of them.
Firstly, the idea that anyone can be consistently productive is fake advertising. Burnout is a real phenomenon — one I have experienced firsthand. Even if you try to push through it, the reality is that “pushing through” is even less productive than if you were to take some time away.
I can’t tell you how many times I have stared at a screen for hours, unable to find the right word or correct phrasing, and then come back after a little while away and reached a solution in minutes. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself is step back and get a fresh perspective.
Second, and arguably most important, is that there is so much more to life than work. Yes, the knowledge we gain in the classroom and/or the contributions we make to the world in our professions are definitely valuable, and I am certainly not discrediting that.
But there is so much implicit knowledge in the world that is best gained by stepping out of your comfort zone, whether that be by bungee jumping or simply forcing yourself to relax when doing so makes you uncomfortable.
In fact, I think that these types of lessons, those in which you are forced to reevaluate the beliefs society instilled in you and thereby learn more about yourself, are invaluable and necessary.
After all, you are the only person guaranteed to be in your life forever. If you live only relying on external validation, like grades and praise, to make you feel worthy, you will end up facing major disappointment.
I think that the best way to live a fulfilling life is to learn how to rely on yourself, push yourself out of your comfort zone, and decide that you are incredibly worthy just because you are you, and no one else will ever be that.
So this summer, if you start to feel a nagging of guilt telling you that there is so much more you could be doing, remember that taking the time to treat yourself well and relax is just as important and productive as sitting at a desk and working on your laptop.