Connecting in College: Success, Stable, or Sincere?

Friendships have always been hard.

Even throughout childhood, developing social skills is one of the most integral advancements to achieve. But somewhere between elementary, middle, and high school, most people settle into their groups. For someone like me, who grew up around the same some-150 kids in her grade throughout Pre-K to grade 12, people solidified their friendships and kept them that way for several years. Once I reached high school, I rarely met new friends.

Being thrown into college after that felt like a whirlwind, and I know it wasn’t like that for just me. 

When you enter college, you meet several hundred people in the span of about two days. The questions people ask begin to feel repetitive and rehearsed: asking about your major, hometown, and why you decided to pick the college you did. Suddenly, it seems as though people are split into three different groups: finding sincere friendships, looking for stable and convenient bonds, or trying to connect solely for success and for the interest of one’s future career. LinkedIn culture and the stress of making it to that worshipped 500+ connections becomes more prevalent than true, meaningful relationships. 

In my opinion, networking isn’t inherently bad. It’s okay to have your future in mind, and networking can take you far in the future. Surface-level and stable friends don’t necessarily mean that all of your connections are fake, and not every friendship needs to be deep and emotionally tied. Expecting to meet your bridesmaids or best men in college can make college feel more isolating. 

Deep, genuine connections still occur over shared stress, classes, and time. Vulnerability builds slowly, and I don’t think it’s realistic to try to stress it. Deeper friendships might not last or form during your first year of college – in fact, most of the people I have spoken to so far say that they didn’t meet their core friend group until their upperclassmen years. 

Each type of connection – whether stable, success-oriented, or sincere – are important and valuable. There’s no perfect solution to forcing friendships and making connections last, and that’s normal. College isn’t just about finding your people, but rather about forming associations with all kinds of people and getting out of your comfort zone.

Remember that everyone is navigating college and this unique experience for their first time, and every connection can bring something special into your life. 

• college
• friends
• friendships
• health
• mental health
• networking
• social media
• wellness