If you know me, you know that I am a huge advocate for therapy. I believe that everyone can benefit from going to therapy, no matter who you are or whether or not you think you have a formal “reason” that justifies your participation in it. After all, the process of breaking the stigma on mental illness includes moving away from the narrative that suggests only the neurodivergent and those with uncompromising internal conflicts attend therapy. The truth is, therapy is a wonderful resource to have, and it can offer you plenty of insight on how you think, behave and exist in the world around you. You can uncover unconscious beliefs and narratives that you’ve held yourself to, learn to cope with tumultuous internal and external conflicts in a healthy way and even grow your awareness of yourself and others. You can learn a lot about why you may do the things that you do.
As we head into spring, I am also celebrating and looking back on my earliest days in therapy, which happen to be a little over a full year ago, when I marched into the Counseling and Psychological Services building at UCLA blindly and willingly attempted to be matched with my first therapist figure. After my three available sessions were up, I had enough insight from the short introduction into what therapy looks like to scout for a long-term therapist. Since then, I’ve (remotely) drifted in and out of various other practices, trying to find the right one for me.
One of the most notable things I’ve learned from the process is that it’s totally okay to change your mind. There is no place for penalty when it comes to being assertive about what you want and need out of a therapist. Some will be great, and some will be not-so-great. Some will fit for a certain period of time, but not for the long run. Some will offer you the insight you wouldn’t have otherwise thought of, but won’t carry the same understanding or approach to listen in the way you need. Through trial and error, you will find a practitioner that checks off the boxes on your list, but if you don’t have a list yet, here are five factors to consider when looking for a therapist:
- Overlapping Background
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If your heritage and culture are important aspects of who you are and what you want to discuss in therapy, you might want to pay closer attention to the background of your practitioner. Though knowledge is not race-specific, a person who has a similar culture to you will more likely be able to share in the experiences you’ve had and hold a deeper understanding of your origin. Coming from an immigrant Vietnamese family, I have prioritized this detail in my personal search for a therapist because intergenerational trauma is something that is important for me to talk about and work through.
- Age
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We live in a time where the generational gap is prevailing more quickly than it ever has before. If you would like a different outlook on your current lifestyle and life stressors, age is something that will be crucial in your search. A younger practitioner will be more likely to understand the unspoken social and cultural attributes of the world in its present state, whereas an older practitioner might lack knowledge in this sphere, they make up for it with wisdom from their time in practice. As you can see, each group has its own pros and cons, but when it comes down to it, those pros and cons are very subjective depending on what you want out of a therapist.
- Agency
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This aspect has to do with how they listen and react to the things you’re presenting to them, along with if you feel like they’re listening to you in the way you need them to. The feedback you get from therapy is one of the major reasons why people even attend, so it’s important that your therapist picks up on what you’re saying and responds in a receptive manner. Not too long ago, I withdrew from the therapist I had because she would respond to the open discussion of my concerns with a detached and disengaging “mmhmm, yea.” To some, this response might be perfectly appropriate if what they’re looking to get out of therapy is the ability to openly vent. However, I knew that what I needed was honest and effective feedback. Everyone has a different style of communicating, so keep this in mind when you’re looking for your perfect fit.
- Personality
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Though we can have tunnel vision when it comes to a dynamic where we are receiving a service– in this case, a trained professional is recruited to give us support– therapists are regular people too. They have their own individual experiences, personalities, senses of humor and quirks. Are they someone you can see yourself getting along with if they were a more regular figure in your life, or would they be too intimidating to talk to? Do you feel comfortable being completely candid with your thoughts without the fear of judgment? Do they give you advice that resonates? Do they see things at your eye-level? These are all questions you should consider asking yourself to really get a sense of your compatibility with them.
- Specialization
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Different practitioners are trained in different areas. When I first started attending therapy, I was primarily only aware of cognitive-behavioral therapy, which is one of the more common types out there. In reality, there is a much bigger variety of therapies available, including acceptance and commitment therapy, attachment-based therapy, compassion-focused therapy, and exposure therapy, to name only a few from the laundry list. When seeking a therapist, it will be helpful to read up on what kind of therapy they specialize in and see if it matches or overlaps with the kind of work you’re looking to be doing in therapy.
I know that diving into anything new and unfamiliar is an inevitably daunting process, and seeking therapy is no exception. If you’ve been feeling compelled to start your journey but don’t know where to begin, I hope this article has given you an idea. Therapy is such a wonderful endeavor, and it pays for itself with the long-term benefits that it provides. I hope you consider looking into therapy if it’s something you feel interested in. At the end of the day, be firm in what you want and need– it will allow you to find the courage to seek it out.