To be fully honest with whoever reads this, I’m terrified to write this. I first chose this article when I believed things were going to be better when I wrote it, but they are not. Often, when I choose to write articles, it’s from a place of healing or the after-effect of having gone through the thing I am commenting on, not while I’m enduring this. In other words, this is going to be my unfiltered current take on how to deal with mental health as a full-time college student.
My journey with mental health didn’t ever really have a starting point. I believe it’s been something I’ve been sick with my whole life. Critics like to argue that you shouldn’t say you are sick or suffering from the mental health struggles you are enduring, but I beg to differ. In a society where mental health is still a taboo or unconventional issue, taking ownership of what I have gone through is what has helped me come to acceptance.
In high school, to be fully honest, it got quite bad. Once I got to college, I thought this time of being “crazy” was over, but my second year in, we are so back. What they don’t explain about struggling with your mental health is that it isn’t like any other sickness. You are never fully healed. Yes, there are steps, such as therapy (which is a wonderful tool) and medications, but it will always be something you live with. I don’t mean to upset you or make you feel like there is no way out, because there is. Nothing—even this struggle—is permanent, but it’s more of an illness that needs lifelong treatment in a lot of ways. One day, everything is beautiful, and life feels full of hope, and then the next, it feels as if the world is crumbling around you; getting out of bed becomes difficult, and you become upset.
When people think you are depressed, they often think, “Aw, you are sad. Take some time to rest.” But in my opinion, as a college student, it’s anger, mixed with some sadness. Waking up with an endless to-do list of assignments that you could have gotten done any other day, but now all of a sudden you can’t. There is no getting up, there is no treating your body with respect, there is only sadness and anger towards yourself for not having the energy to do anything. It’s terrifying. There is also an anger rooted in the inability to explain yourself to others. As students, we have many responsibilities, including campus organizations. However, when your mental health is struggling, it’s never enough of a reason for any teacher or fellow student to not show up for them, so you explain you are just “sick with some virus or the other.”
Now, to be clear, despite calling myself “crazy,” I don’t feel that way about others who deal with mental issues; I see them as strong and compassionate people. But, like many others who struggle with this sickness, I am hard on myself for feeling this way. The inability to control your own mind and body is a difficulty I can’t convey beautifully. There is also a lot of guilt. I should be thankful that, on the outside, I am healthy and don’t have many problems, right? But it feels like my fault that my brain cannot agree with me on that fact.
Now, as a student, how do you deal? If you go to the University of Central Florida, I highly suggest using the Counseling and Psychological Services, discussing with friends and family, and most of all, listening to yourself. After many talks with therapists, I realized the main way to get through, not over, is by giving yourself grace. I struggle with this, to be fully honest. I hate the victim mentality often associated with our generation, which I’m scared this article might begin to sound like. But, giving yourself grace and admitting you are struggling is incredibly important. In a lot of ways, life must go on, even if it feels like you are stuck. Personally, to motivate myself out of bed, I allow myself to truly rest and not stress about assignments, and maybe rewatch a few episodes of Friends. Then you must accept help. If what you are dealing with cannot be managed alone, it’s more than okay to get help. It is scary to ask for, but it is truly available to everyone.
If you are reading this far, you have likely suffered something similar. Whether it be a disease from your parents or an effect of trauma, it’s important to remember mental health diagnoses are not you, but rather an explanation of how you feel. It’s important to listen to doctors and allow yourself time to accept and persevere.