The Fear of Getting Older at 21

This weekend, I’m turning 21. I plan on spending it with my boyfriend in St. Augustine with a big bottle of wine and the sinking feeling that I should be more excited than I am. This past month, leading up to my birthday, I’ve been so focused on everything else that I completely forgot to plan a big celebration. Turning 21 is supposed to be an exciting milestone full of freedom and fun, but instead, all I feel is dread and exhaustion. And to make it even worse, all I can think about is how much I used to look forward to my birthday when I was younger. The countdowns, parties, and anticipation are now overshadowed by the responsibilities of adulthood, which have become the main focus of my life. 

The Pressure of Turning 21  

For most people, their 21st birthday is full of fun, freedom, excitement, and, of course, drinking. It’s a day of carefree fun where you get to celebrate the final milestone of your adolescence. However, for me, it feels like another weight being added to the grief of my childhood and teenage years. It’s a giant sign flashing in my face stating, “Adulthood Ahead,” and I can feel the weight of responsibility on my shoulders. Suddenly, my birthday doesn’t feel like a celebration; it feels like the funeral of everything I once feared losing. 

Slipping Through My Fingers 

Two years ago, when I first moved to college, my time here seemed endless. It was my best friend and I against the world, going out every night, looking for men at clubs, and thinking that life would be like that forever. Unfortunately, though, the truth is that college is only a few short years that move pretty fast, and partying and hooking up with random men doesn’t really matter. Now, two years later, at 21, graduation feels uncomfortably close.  

Every day, I find myself comparing my path to others. Every day, I see my friends landing their dream internships while building impressive resumes, and I’m talking with my classmates who already know their next steps. Meanwhile, I’m constantly wondering if I’m doing enough and if I am enough. I feel like I’m running out of time to do more and be more, whereas it feels like my friends are already ready to get out of here and accomplish things bigger than college.  

But the truth is, college is only a few short years that move pretty fast, and drinking and hooking up with random men no longer matter.

The Adulting Gap 

I’ve noticed there’s a huge gap between loving the idea of adulthood and actually feeling ready for it. At 21, you’re expected to be an expert on how to balance classes, jobs, finances, relationships, and have mapped out your plans for your future. But here’s a secret: no one really has it all figured out. Most days, I can barely keep up with my assignments, two jobs, internship, and student organizations that I’m in, let alone the thought of bills, graduation, and taking care of myself fully with a post-grad job I’m not even sure I’ll find.  

The world paints 21 as wild and free, but for many of us, it feels like a new year of pressure, uncertainty, and endless “what ifs.” It’s a world of complete uncertainty. 

Finding Perspective 

However, despite these lingering thoughts, here’s something else I’ve started to learn: fearing getting older doesn’t make me out of touch or dramatic; it makes me human. If you’re scared, it means you care, and maybe instead of seeing my birthday as a deadline, I can see it as a new chapter and a fresh start. It’s important to remind ourselves to celebrate the small wins in life, such as the classes we’ve survived, the friendships we’ve built, and all of the amazing college experiences we’ve had. Adulthood doesn’t have to come all at once. It can come in waves, and that’s okay.  

So yes, I’m now 21, and I’m extremely terrified. However, I’m also grateful. I’m learning to sit with that fear, because behind it is hope. I have hope for growth, change, and for the person and professional that I am becoming. And I want you to know that you’re not alone. Getting older isn’t just a countdown to the end of something; it’s also the beginning of something new. 

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