It’s like I never learn.
Reading week is often when I get the least amount of work done—even though it’s for studying. Although I have assignments due and multiple exams to study for, I chose to use those nine precious days of the week watching reruns of “Criminal Minds” and “Game of Thrones” (I got to the end of season six and stopped because I couldn’t bear to watch the atrocities that are the last two seasons of the series).
If you were to look at my Google calendar and bullet journal, however, you’d think that this wouldn’t be the case. The Friday before the break, I take the time to make unrealistic plans about what I think I can complete within nine days. Generally, my plans consist of reviewing half a semester’s worth of course content, starting and finishing an assignment, extracurricular commitments, hanging out with friends, and then finally making time to read and watch TV—all within a day.
For the weekend, I stuck to the plan. Saturday and Sunday, I caught up on readings, started studying for my exams, and went to a friend’s birthday party. Sunday night, I set my alarm clock to 8:00 a.m.—later than my usual wake-up time, but it was reading week, so I could sleep in a little. I got into bed feeling so proud of myself; maybe this reading week, I wouldn’t waste my time. I closed my eyes, ready to go to sleep—and then I got up again.
Maybe I can start that book that I’ve been wanting to read for a while. By the time I finished “The School for Good Mothers” (which was very good)—it was about 2:00 a.m. I exited my reading app, meaning to go to sleep, and my hand ‘slipped’ onto the TikTok app. There was no saving me after that. I slept through that 8:00 a.m. alarm.
It’s disappointing to admit, but this is how every single reading week has gone for me since my first year. I tend to have a habit of making grand plans for my breaks, only to realize that I’m so much more burnt out than I believe myself to be. This feeling is not exclusive to my academics, however. Along with procrastinating any and all of my academic deliverables, I start to shut people out. I pretend I’m on do not disturb so that I can focus or stay off my phone, but really, I have no energy to interact with people in any capacity.
I think the best course of action for me is to accept that I need this time to recharge. Instead of spending the break filled with shame, telling myself that I don’t deserve to be relaxing, I should give myself at least this week. When people ask me about my reading week, I usually say it was ‘extremely unproductive’. I think it’s difficult to feel accomplished after spending the entire reading week watching shows and reading books that had nothing to do with my schoolwork, especially when I had so many expectations of myself. But it’s important for me to realize that taking the time to replenish my energy and recover from my burnout is equally as important and productive. I deserve time. I deserve a break.