Health trends are weird. Sometimes, it’s basically just everyone discovering a food that already existed, which was the case for avocados back in 2011. Quick disclaimer—I consider myself pretty extra for spending half my paycheck on natural supplements and fitness classes—but some of these trends are questionable, even for me. Anyway, after going through lists of upcoming Summer trends, I picked eight and asked a few guys to describe what they thought they were. Brace yourselves.
1. Super Powders (Specifically Turmeric, Matcha, Maca & Moringa)
Number one, this sounds like the name of a weird Marvel fan fiction. That’s fine, but they’re probably magic superfood powders that will reduce anxiety without popping a Xanax. From what I’ve heard, Matcha is basically the green tea that does CrossFit—intense, shredded and way too much for your mom to handle.
2. Novelty Yoga (Including Goat, Puppy & Beer Yoga)
This is yoga that involves the random animals that were used to name yoga poses in the first place. Never has the art of breaking your back, knees, arms, etc. been more trendy. Nah nah stay.
3. Cricket Flour
Finely ground crickets used to make gluten-free bread, cookies, baguettes, grapes, apples, cars, trees, dogs, and many other useful household items. The gluten-free diet just keeps getting more and more depressing.
4. Nut Oils
Frizzy hair? Nut oil. No makeup remover? Nut oil. Dry skin? Nut oil. Bad credit? Nut oil. BF acting up? Nut oil.
5. Probiotic Waters
The universal drink of hipsters. This is how to get healthy again when you’ve been eating chips all summer. You can home-brew the stuff and it looks just like those pancake creatures on Star Trek—the ones only Trekkies know about. Your first drought will scare the shit out of you.
6. Intermittent Fasting
I have no clue. Is this when you promise to not eat snacks in between meals and lose weight because you aren’t eating Goldfish all the time? If you’re not snacking every twenty minutes then you must be intermittent fasting.
7. Tide Pods
Here’s the thing, I try to avoid technology and, therefore, basically live under a rock. So, I didn’t know what this was for the longest time and I assumed it was just freshmen learning how to clean their clothes as fast as they can LOL. Turns out the shiny, delicious-looking Tide Pods replaced the cinnamon challenge.
8. Digital Detox
When you eat clean for the gram, but instead of actually detoxing and being healthy, you just keep on that pizza diet offline. I do this all the time, I only love my bed and pizza. I’m sorry.