As someone who has dealt with anxiety for most of my life, one of the most detrimental reasons this anxiety has materialized (both mentally and physically) has been because I let one singular thought turn into a series of ruminations.
It starts with one passing thought that I observe neutrally, withholding any judgment. I then hold onto that thought for a long time. Then I analyze it negatively, and finally, I transform it into a series of overwhelming thoughts, some of which don’t have anything to do with that original idea that popped into my mind. This results in a constant downward spiral that increases my anxiety.
A few days ago, I had an awkward encounter with someone I had just met, and the question of “Why am I so bad at small talk?” sprang up in my head. As I was walking back home afterwards, I could not get that question out of my mind, and soon, it turned into, “Why is it so difficult for me to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people?”
Once I finished my walk and got home, I was still thinking about why it was so difficult for me to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people. After applying my own judgments to that thought, such as most people do this every day with no issues, and “Why can’t I just function normally?, I asked myself, “Am I even happy with how the course of my life is going?” (Honestly, I can’t even remember how I got to that one!)
From this point onwards, I brooded over various questions, and by the end of this thought spiral, I was so pent up with frustration and restlessness that all I could do was cry.
Sometime later, after I had taken the time to distract myself and try to move away from that style of thinking, I felt a little ridiculous. How had one singular thought managed to turn into a crying episode? How did I let myself ruminate for that long? Why didn’t I just observe my original thought and move on? Once I had reflected on all of this, I realized that I got caught up in a feedback loop where it felt impossible to escape as one dreadful notion led to another.
The emotions we feel on a day-to-day basis are so crucial to the way in which we view ourselves and the others around us. It is incredibly important to pay close attention to which direction our thinking patterns move towards. Although many of the destructive thoughts that we have may feel like an accurate and authentic representation of who we are, this is not at all true. These types of thoughts are exactly that— just thoughts. And even though you can’t stop a negative thought from appearing in your head, you can let it pass without falling into a rumination spiral. More specifically, do your best to be mindful. When you notice that thought, acknowledge it and give it space to pass on without letting it cloud your mind.