College campuses are like breeding grounds for perfectionism. There’s immense pressure to perform in all facets of life (“I have to juggle school, work, and a social life, plus love every minute of it, because college is supposed to be the best 4 years of my life, right?!”).
Sometimes it can seem like everyone around you is great at everything. There are the girls that excel at school with the perfect Instagram posts and are president of like 30 clubs. And then there’s you. You begin to think that in order to have a good life, you have to have it all. We often succumb to societal pressure to be perfect and place a ton of pressure on ourselves to be everything. I’m sorry (not sorry) to tell you this: it is all an illusion. So if it seems like you’re never “good enough”, you’re likely a perfectionist.
There are a lot of misconstrued ideas about perfectionism. People seem to think that it can be what makes them excel at whatever they do. We all know (or are) that person who derives pleasure from saying the words, “oh, I’m such a perfectionist.” But research shows that perfectionists actually succeed in spite of their perfectionism, not because of the immense pressure they place on themselves.
It’s important to note that there is a distinct difference between perfectionism and healthy striving. The latter is a motivational tool to propel you towards achieving your goals, while perfectionism has crossed the line into neuroticism. Perfectionism can be a factor in many mental illnesses, such as depression, personality disorders, anxiety, and eating disorders.
If your perfectionism has gotten out of control, you’ll find yourself feeling:
- Like you procrastinate on everything
- Like your anxiety is out of control
- Hypercritical of yourself and others
- Easily overwhelmed by simple tasks
- Ashamed, guilty, or like you’re not “good enough”
- Underappreciated
- Depressed or suicidal
- Irritated by the slightest things that go wrong
These feelings can have a lot of implications in your everyday life. It can create a lot of unnecessary stress, erode your self-esteem and confidence, and hold you back from living a fulfilled life. The point is, perfectionism will affect your relationships, especially your relationship with yourself. Here are some tips to move past perfectionism and begin living a life filled with self-compassion:
1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
There is no use in comparing yourself to others. You are the only person that can be you, so know that YOU ARE ENOUGH. Comparing yourself to others is an easy way to erase your confidence.
2. Start every task with the intent to do YOUR best, not THE best.
If you’re having trouble with procrastination, take a moment to put everything into perspective. Breathe and relax before beginning the task, then figure out step by step what you’ll need to do to accomplish it. The hardest part is always starting, but once you’re in the swing of it you’ll realize that you can do anything you set your mind to. This will help you with chronic procrastination, so that assignment that’s due will be easier to complete on time.
3. Enjoy the process, not just the outcome.
What’s the point of life if you’re not enjoying it? If you’re focusing on trying to perfect whatever it is you’re doing, you’re going to miss out on the beauty of life. Again, take a moment to breathe and relax. Focusing on the outcome can diminish your motivation and in turn cause you to procrastinate. It can also stifle your creativity, making it harder to do your work.
4. See mistakes as opportunities to learn.
Perfectionists have a tendency to equate failure with their sense of self-worth. It’s crucial that you know that failure is a necessary step to success. Don’t beat yourself up about things that don’t go the way as planned and realize that everyone makes mistakes. It’s okay, just pick yourself up and use every mistake as a learning opportunity, no matter how small or devastating the mistake seems. Often times, perfectionists will dramatize the extent to which a mistake will affect them in the future. So take a moment to stop and think, “Will this mistake really matter in two years from now?”
5. It’s okay to ask for help.
If you’re striving for perfection, it can be hard to admit that you’re not perfect. Therefore, it can be difficult to open up and admit when you need more help or guidance. A person who asks for help isn’t weak. In fact, it’s the smart thing to do when you find yourself overwhelmed. That’s what your family, friends, professors, and counselors are for. I would especially recommend counseling for anyone who struggles with perfectionism. Therapists can help you build yourself up and change your perception of the world so you can be the best you.
6. Don’t take everything personally
When people offer criticism, it’s often out of love. My father once told me, if I’m questioning whether or not someone is being sincere, look at the source of the criticism. Is it coming from someone I know loves me, or someone who only wants to see me do well? If so, then it’s wise to sit and ponder why they may feel a certain way. If it’s from someone who likely doesn’t care about me, then they’re a hater. There’s no use in reacting when the criticism isn’t genuine.
7. Rid yourself of guilt.
There is no shame in not being perfect. No one is. Realize that in order to accomplish your goals in life, you’ll have to accept yourself as you are. Guilt will only add to your burden and wastes precious energy that you could instead turn into something positive.
8. Practice self-compassion.
Tell yourself, “I love you” every day. No really, I mean it. It’s often easy to forget to practice loving yourself when you’re constantly criticizing every action you do or trying to become an ideal that you’ll never accomplish. Play your favorite music on the way to class, eat that extra piece of chocolate, watch that Netflix show, and never let anyone tell you you’re not perfect the way you already are.
Peace & love,
Azza