Self-care is a widely talked about subject, especially in conversations about mental health. This practice, referring to anything that you do to keep yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy, is all over the internet. Face masks, long baths, yoga, staying in, journaling. A fuzzy bathrobe and cucumbers over your eyes, lounging in bed. Users online love the phrase “protecting my peace” as a pillar of self care. This phrase, meant to mean prioritizing yourself and spending time alone, has very good intentions. My issue with the overuse of this phrase and ideology is that it seems people have started to center themselves in relationships and are quick to abandon them without realizing how important they are. When we begin to center ourselves so heavily we lose sight of the fact that sometimes inconveniencing yourself for said relationships is better in the long run.
This narrative of self care as I have seen it has become associated with and assumed to mean isolation, spending time away from others in order to care for yourself. We have become convinced that spending so much time alone will better yourself. That staying inside and leaving your communities to go on without you is just a step in the process to living a more fulfilled life. While this is good in moderation, the importance of social relationships and community cannot be understated. We need community more than we might realize.
I think a lot of this social isolation can be tied to living within a post COVID-19 society. The world has changed in many ways since the global pandemic that hit in 2020. Social life and social interactions have changed as a result of isolation. With disease spreading rapidly, quarantine orders were put in place as a safety precaution. Human interaction, outside of the people who were in our homes with us, took a steep decline. Even after quarantine measures were lifted COVID-19 still didn’t go away. Masking and social distancing remained for years and continued to hinder social relationships. All of these measures intended to keep us physically healthy, had unintended negative consequences for our mental and psychosocial health.
The COVID-19 era changed a lot about the world and how we interact with each other, and we can still feel some of those changes today. It has been a bit of a bumpy ride to try and get back to normal. A Forbes Health Survey showed that 59% of respondents have found it harder to form relationships since the onset of the pandemic. We feel more inclined to dodge plans or feel more wary to form new connections. In order to reverse this damage and new cultural norm, you have to take charge. Sometimes you need to inconvenience yourself to build your communities. Pushing through feelings of awkwardness or reclusion are important to these efforts.
Humans are inherently social creatures, we need communities. We benefit more when these communities thrive from an emotional standpoint, but also from a health standpoint. Having strong connections in your life can help you to live a longer and healthier life. These relationships can reduce the risk of chronic disease and illnesses such as heart disease and dementia. Additionally, research has shown that connectedness can help people to maintain a healthy body mass index, control blood sugar, and prevent strokes. Mental benefits include decreased depressive symptoms, improved ability to manage stress, and healthier eating habits. On the other hand, social isolation increases symptoms of depression and anxiety, and has been shown to increase the risk for premature death by 26%
How I see it is that in order to contribute to these benefits, we need to show up. To community events, birthday party’s, a friend’s art show, or a friend of a friend’s music performance. Pushing yourself to show up for your friends, even when staying in seems tempting, can be crucial for your wellness and the wellness of others around you. Caring for others is truly self care.
None of this is to say that you can’t spend time by yourself or that you need to be out every weekend. Balance is important and taking time to be alone is still crucial to your mental health. Over exerting yourself or not listening to your body and mind will take away from your own mental health. But spending too much time “protecting your peace” and prioritizing yourself over relationships with others can hinder you from the benefits of connectedness.
We owe it to ourselves and to each other to push ourselves out of our comfort zone. The price that we have to pay for community is convenience.
You should go to the party! Go out to dinner! Go to church! Go visit your family! Go to the park! Go hang out with a friend you haven’t seen in a while! Go on a first date! Go volunteer! Go and be deliberate about making connections and building community! Your health will thank you for it!