In my opinion, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. When people hear the words self-care, I often envision a perfectly curated routine: waking up at 5 a.m., drinking a green juice or ginger shot, running miles before sunrise, journaling, meditating, and somehow still having flawless skin and a full social life. While this would leave some of us feeling accomplished, I feel that for a lot of us, that version of self care can feel more exhausting than helpful.
I believe real self-care has nothing to do with curating a life that’s aesthetically pleasing online. I think it’s about intentionality, it’s about grounding practices, and it’s about returning home to oneself. It’s about building a life that actually feels sustainable and not performative.
For many college women, life is already full. We have classes, jobs, relationships, family expectations, finances, and the pressure to have all of these things figured out can make it feel like there’s no time left to “work” on yourself. And don’t let your financial aid be messed up on a random Tuesday — now you’re REALLY stressed. But self-care doesn’t have to be another thing on your to do list. It can be small, realistic, and fun choices that are catered to what you need in that specific moment. They are meant to support your mental and emotional health in ways that fit your real life. So, if that’s getting that new tattoo you’ve been putting off, do it. If it means saying no to calls for the day, then do it. It only has to make sense to you.
Self-care starts with the basics.
Before we create an elaborate rebrand at 3 a.m., we have to ask ourselves: are we sleeping enough? Are we eating regularly? Are we giving ourselves moments to slow down and breathe?
Getting enough sleep might be one of the most underrated forms of self-care. Not the “perfect” eight hours every night, but doing what you can to rest your mind, body, and soul. Going to bed a little earlier, putting your phone down 20 minutes sooner, or letting yourself take that midday nap can really make a big difference in how you feel.
I believe that boundaries are a huge form of self-respect.
I know many of us have communities that we love and show up for. If you are like me, you are used to showing up for everyone else before you show up for yourself. We answer every text, say yes to every plan, and take on responsibilities even when we’re overwhelmed. But learning to set boundaries is one of the most powerful forms of self-care.
That might look like saying, “I can’t hang out tonight” or not answering messages immediately when you’re studying or recharging. It could mean protecting your energy by distancing yourself from people or environments that drain you, so pay attention to how people make you feel while you’re in their presence. Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out, they’re about making space for yourself.
I believe connection is care, too.
In my opinion, self-care doesn’t always happen alone. Sometimes it looks like picking up the phone and calling your homegirl. It looks like laughing with someone who knows you, venting after a long day, or sitting with someone who makes you feel understood. We often think we have to handle everything on our own, but connection is a major part of emotional well-being. I think that checking in on a friend or letting someone check in on you can shift your entire mood. Community is care.
Give yourself permission to be human
You don’t need to earn rest. You don’t need to be perfect to deserve care. You don’t need a brand-new life to start taking better care of yourself.
At the end of the day, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. Treat it with patience, intention, and care. Start where you are.