Lately, I’ve felt like I’ve been living my entire life with the safety switched on. I wake up and I go to work or school and come home, eat, and sleep. Then I do it all over again. I’ve made a routine for myself that I hardly ever stray from. One that lacks human interaction and social situations. I’ve found this to be comfortable — safe.
I don’t ever stray from this routine. My whole life I’ve lived as a little hermit, safe in my own world and protected by the bubble I surround myself with. I’ve become so used to this routine that anything else makes me feel uncomfortable and out of place. There’s a little voice in the back of my head every time I attempt to go out of my comfort zone whispering “this isn’t right. abort. abort”. I listen to this voice way too often.
I’ve also learned, this voice is dangerous. I shouldn’t listen. I shouldn’t let myself be pulled back into my safe hermit routine. I should go out and do things and meet people and hang out with friends… but that voice says it isn’t safe.
It screams and screams. I don’t like the screaming.
I’ve attributed this screaming to a bit of social anxiety. Being in unfamiliar places with unfamiliar people makes that voice louder. So I avoid it. It keeps me from doing simple tasks like going to the grocery store or getting my tires aired up or going to the bank. Tasks that shouldn’t be hard, but are because they’re unfamiliar.
I have to remind myself that it’s okay for things to be unfamiliar. I can’t wake up every morning suddenly knowing how everything works. I have to build that knowledge by doing it and sometimes that’s hard. You go out and you don’t know who to talk to about setting up a new savings account and you don’t want to sound naive so you stay home instead. You’ve never worked the air pump for your tires and you don’t want people to stare at you as you fumble with the buttons so you stay home instead.
You stay home in your safe bubble with your comfortable routine and you don’t learn. You don’t expand your knowledge.
It’s hard to break out of that. To learn without feeling like it’s something others will judge you for not knowing. I spend a lot of my days staying safe in my room, not learning how to do basic things and afraid others will judge me for not knowing. But they won’t and if they do they’re just mean and bitter.
I’ve found it easier to go with a friend. Even if they’re just as clueless it’s like having a little safety blanket. Let’s face it, if you’re going to get made fun of you might as well force your friend to get made fun of with you so it’s not as bad, right? Something about shared pain, they say.
As cruel as it may be, it makes things easier. It gives those unfamiliar places a sense of safety being there with someone you trust. Eventually, you build that safety up until you’ve familiarized yourself with it enough to go alone. This isn’t something to be embarrassed about. It’s like learning a new job. Sure, you’ll be that new kid people might bash on a bit at the beginning, but your coworkers will eventually help you and warm up to you and you may even become better at the job than them.
It’s okay to be uncomfortable. Some things are not as easy for some as they are for others and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. There are so many people who struggle with this on a daily basis. I know some of my closest friends struggle and they’ve become my safety blanket and vise versa when we run into an uncomfortable instance.
Find those friends who will be there for you. Find those places that make you uncomfortable and go out and face them and conquer them and prove to yourself that you can do it. It may take time, but with patience for yourself it’ll happen eventually.
That’s easier said than done, I know. I still struggle with this everyday, but I find that challenging myself and being patient makes everything so much easier. In fact, you may find that you want to add those things to your daily routine. You never know until you try and that’s what is important. You put in effort and no matter the outcome you can say “I tried” and that’s all that matters.
As important as it is to have a comfortable routine, it’s just as important to break from those confines and try something new. Open up that savings account. Air those tires (please it’s dangerous I’ve been there). Sing karaoke at that bar. Go to a new restaurant. Do new things. In fact, do old things that you don’t do anymore! It is so easy to fall into this hermit shell safety routine and forget to take care of yourself.
Once a month, invite your friends on a random date. Or go walk around a store you’ve never been to. Do something that scares you (you don’t have to do it alone). Turn the safety mode off on your life and go have some fun! Or just speak to a food delivery person on the phone without messing up your order because let’s face it, baby steps are important and the little things count just as much as the big things.