As Lily wrote about last week, it’s important to set boundaries, take a scroll on your FYP and you’ll see a handful of videos about the importance of maintaining boundaries in your friendships, relationships, and even with yourself. This conversation about the importance of self care is rightfully all around us, but sometimes life doesn’t comply with your hour by hour planned journal or your mental boundaries. What we can always rely on is that life will throw us inconveniences. Perhaps it’s as simple as roadworks on your usual route into town, it’s raining and you were planning on wearing a sundress (although unlikely in St Andrews). Or maybe the inconvenience is far larger. Imagine you were planning on having a night in to watch a movie and suddenly your best friend phones you crying that her boyfriend broke up with her. Life throws spanners in the works everyday, but I would argue that maybe we need to embrace them.
It’s about reframing how you see these inconveniences. Instead of being annoyed that there’s roadworks, think of how exciting it could be to try out a new route and maybe stumble into a new coffee shop on the way. It’s raining? Well now you can pull out that coat you bought but haven’t worn yet. Seeing the positives in inconvenience is of course difficult and easier said than done. However, by embracing inconvenience you have the chance to become a better friend, learning to face each challenge as it comes and to not be afraid of things going wrong. Inconvenience reminds us all that the world is bigger than us. Whilst we all love to be in main character mode, with a song that would be the opening in a 2000s chick flick blasting in our ears as we strut down Market Street, it’s simply false to say that we are the main characters.
Each of our lives are intertwined with others, friends, family, partners and the world around us. Whilst we owe it to ourselves to set boundaries and know when we need to stay in, watch a movie and have an early night, we also owe it to each other to know when we can step up to help those in our lives. Yes, it might be annoying and slightly inconvenient to stay in town a little longer to read over a friend’s essay but the 10 minutes that you spent doing it symbolises to both you that they are not disposable in your life, that they matter to you. And ultimately, if a friend came to you saying that they felt unimportant to you, it’s likely that you would not feel it to be an inconvenience to assure them the opposite.
Seeing your schedule as non-binding but rather a vision for what you might like to do allows for a certain flexibility that not only leaves space for inconveniences to emerge but also adventures to arise. Maybe you decided to show your face at the 601 and now the morning run you planned is seeming impossible, but this can be seen as a chance for adventure. There’s no use in punishing yourself for not being able to meet your morning run goal, instead you could try out a new recipe you’ve been meaning to for a hangover brunch or simply move the morning run to a sunset stroll. It’s about being attuned to your body, knowing when you can both physically and emotionally handle certain plans. That I would argue is the true meaning of wellness. Of course it’s imperative for you to set a boundary every now and then and know that you can say no to the impromptu evening drinks plan but who knows those adventures might lead you to the best memories you’ll have of your time here at St Andrews.