The day this article is published will be my first session with my new therapist. Let me give you a brief history of my mental health journey.
Winter/Spring 2023
I began counseling for anxiety in my hometown by the recommendation of my pediatrician and the guidance of a teacher at my high school.
It felt good that I finally had someone I could talk to about my mental health, but I never felt like I could fully open myself up to her. At that point, I was questioning my attraction to men and whether it existed at all, while I grappled with the decline of my grandmother’s health, my quickly approaching high school graduation, and many other life changes.
I felt limited to only talking about what caused me anxiety and not going deeper into what caused it. The therapy I did with her was not what I needed, but I didn’t know it at the time.
As I began college, this counselor began a new career opportunity and could no longer accommodate me, and we said goodbye to each other.
Fall 2023
Shortly after I stopped meeting with the first counselor, I realized how much I needed mental health counseling. I was struggling with intrusive and obsessive thoughts, and I thought I had to be alone in this.
I began meeting with one of the counselors on campus and we did not click. She recommended that I become medicated for OCD, but I was not ready to take this step yet. After two sessions of counseling, I said goodbye to her and decided to swear off on-campus counseling services.
Fall 2023-Fall 2024
The next counseling experience I had was with someone who saw the dire need for support I had. She gave me my official OCD diagnosis and we moved forward from there, using new types of therapy. I found that exposure therapy was the most useful for what I was experiencing, and I could finally face the obsessions head-on.
I finally had an advocate for my mental health, and I could not have asked for a better experience for my first OCD-focused treatment.
After a little less than a year of treatment and a hiatus toward the end, I said goodbye to this counselor. She no longer felt she could serve my needs, and honestly, she gave me the support I needed at the time, but I could tell that we were no longer having productive sessions like we once had.
Mid-Fall 2024
In November 2024, I decided to give on-campus counseling another chance. I met once with a counselor who seemed to genuinely care about listening to me, but she did not seem like the person I would be able to depend on for every part of my wellness journey.
I have not met with her at all this semester, and I am not planning to meet with her again because…I have a new therapist!
Present day!
A few weeks back, I reached out to a therapist who is queer-affirming and specializes in care for OCD. During our intake session, she seemed like a great fit for me and my current needs.
By the time you are reading this, I will have had my first official session with the new therapist!
My Take-aways
I have been on this mental wellness journey for quite a while, even if it only began officially in 2023. I am beyond proud of the person I am becoming and for having the courage to finally share when I am having a tough week or I need to talk about the ways my anxiety is impacting me.
I feel so grateful to know I can share myself more fully now and help others to see the power of sharing. I was often regarded as someone who had her life together in high school, but in all actuality, I was always on the verge of an anxiety attack.
Now that I have the resources to care for myself and to care for those around me through the resources I share, I can feel myself growing into deeper relationships.
I am a huge advocate for therapy and trying until you find someone who jives with who you are and what you need. One of my biggest criteria when searching for a therapist is looking to see if they are one, queer-affirming or identify with the LGBTQIA+ community, and two, finding someone who covers issues that I care about. If the person specializes in postpartum mental health care, I feel comfortable talking to them about my experiences with my emotions around my period. Their specialties tell me what they also care about.
No one should have to go through mental health struggles alone, and everyone should feel comfortable with the person caring for them.
I need to also mention that I have the privilege of having a great community on campus that I know I can turn to when I need some extra support. I know that not everyone has a job that respects when you need a mental health day or a group of people who give you space to share what’s on your mind.
I feel utterly lucky and grateful to know I have a say in caring for my mental health. I’m allowed to make decisions for myself that benefit me in the long run.
I also want to share that my mental health is not perfect even when I’m in therapy. Therapy just helps me to remember I have another advocate who has the knowledge and experience to help me.
I deserve to be cared about, and so do you!