When I was a toddler, my mom started noticing that I was a little more on the emotionally sensitive side. It wasn’t the tantrum kind of sensitive. I was just kind of sad. My mom remembers me telling her “I don’t know why I’m so sad all the time”.
I was jumpy and nervous. I was more attached to my mom than most kids my age. I would always get scared before going out in public, out of fear that something bad would happen to us.
She decided that I should see a counselor, so I did. I only really remember playing in a sand table with dinosaur figures.
Fast forward, I’ve been in therapy for my whole life. It’s not something I’ve ever been ashamed of. I’ve learned a lot about myself through therapy, and it’s gotten me through every low point in my life.
Therapy, in part, is meant to teach you about your problems, where they stem from, and how to cope with them. Through therapy, I have gained a deep insight into how anxiety has affected me throughout my life. Having anxiety in my childhood was definitely something that was hard to get through.
I couldn’t enjoy most things because I was always so afraid that something was going to happen to me. I used to lay awake at night creating horrible scenarios in my head, unable to stop the thought. I feel like I missed out on so many important childhood memories because I was always worried about the worst-case scenario. It’s disappointing to think about.
Middle school got really rocky for me. I’d have a panic attack at least once a day. I’d get sent home, completely inconsolable, and I ended up falling so behind in school. I constantly felt like the world was caving in on me. At the time, my life was filled with so much anxiety, and I blocked a lot of it out. Anxiety stole my ability to make those memories in middle school. Looking back, everything is so fuzzy.
Anxiety has stolen a lot from me. It’s stolen my ability to connect with people, focus, and communicate. It’s something I’ve always lived with, and something that I’ll always live with. I’ve learned to accept it, and through therapy, I’ve learned how to work through my anxieties.
Anxiety affects everyone differently. I think it’s important that we share experiences because it’s such a beautiful thing to know that no one is alone. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. Take care of yourself.Â