As someone with anxiety, I tend to overthink nearly everything, and most of that overthinking causes me to miss out on likely great experiences. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert, but I wanted to change my life because I didn’t want to feel like I was “missing out” on any experiences just because of my fears. I’ve recently tried gradual exposure therapy– complimenting a stranger, talking to someone new in class, and asking the Trader Joe’s worker if they recommend the Butternut Squash Mac and Cheese– just small things. This practice reflects the habituation model. According to the National Library of Medicine, if you repeatedly practice facing your fears, it has been proven to alleviate your anxiety. However, it’s always easier said than done. Honestly, there are two philosophies I wish I had given myself more room to accept when I first started my journey. First, it’s most likely worse in your head. If you’re also an anxious person, your mind spirals deeper into “worst-case scenarios” that stray farther and farther away from reality without you even realizing. Second, I asked myself , in the one life I’m given, would I rather walk away from someone cute I saw and never get to know them, miss out on potential best friends because I was too scared to talk to them, and not optimize my health in the gym because I was too scared to be judged? Fear is a primordial mechanism that we as a species have evolved with to protect ourselves from danger. I realized that none of these interactions were at all dangerous, thus alluding to the anxiety painting a false, overproportional picture of the situation in my mind. Once I registered that I was scared of the very interactions that make us human, I slowly started doing better. I’ve successfully gotten over my fear of the gym and have been going almost daily for about four years, rushed a sorority, and brought my grades up with the three mantras I’ve kept close to me below.
The first pattern I noticed that had the highest payoff was consistency. This is the hardest hurdle to overcome because it goes hand-in-hand with discipline, which was one of the most difficult values I’ve had to learn in my entire life. It won’t be an immediate monumental change- Rome wasn’t built in a day! However, little steps every day make a significant change, and it comes so much faster than you think. Anything worth having always take work, but you’re the only one who has to live in your life. Make it one you’re comfortable in!Â
Secondly, your attitude shapes your reality. You can’t think negatively and expect a positive life. As a neuroscience major, I’m learning in my Fundamentals of Neurobiology class how negative thinking reinforces feedback cycles of anxiety, self-doubt, and stagnation. I used to not believe in affirmations, thinking that they were a waste of breath that therapists invented for a paycheck. But even after just a couple of weeks, I can physically feel a difference in how I carry myself, how I see myself, and how I prioritize myself before what others think. Aside from the seemingly simple affirmations like “You’re beautiful,” “You’re loved,” my favorite has been “You’re doing such great things every day. You’re the only one that cannot see your progress”. As someone who maintains high standards and pressure every day, this affirmation has helped me in slowing down my life. I’ve started appreciating more small things (such as a cool outfit of someone passing by, what music I walk to class to, etc.) and more importantly, myself outside of my accomplishments. Speaking kindly to yourself is so understated and so important. Â
Finally, I assure myself that every situation ends. No matter where you are, time will pass anyway. It’s only up to you what you make up of your time, because you’ll never get the same day back. It seems minuscule when you think about just one day. However, when I’ve reflected on how many times I’ve avoided doing something I wanted because I was too scared, it really adds up. I use this mantra for my bravery: being scared and doing it anyway. That way, I can try despite my fears of external judgment. If it goes well– great, obviously! But if it goes badly, it’ll be a funny story one day, but time always keeps moving forward, no matter the outcome.
Ultimately, growth never comes from a place of comfort. It’s really, really hard (at least for me) to keep showing up and practicing every day, but it gets better! These tips have really helped me and are slowly changing my life, and hopefully, at least one of these can help you too!