Every time I look at my phone, I see more and more people entering the “Self-Help” phase of their lives. In concept, it’s a great thing to want to improve yourself, but often, once it’s in practice where things go wrong. I have read a few self-proclaimed “Self-Help” books in my day, and I am here to tell you that I don’t remember a single thing I was meant to learn from them. Could that be a problem with my intention while reading them? Of course. However, people who don’t experience every small detail about you, your mind, your habits, your life, may not be the ones to guide your journey. Going to a professional like a therapist, a trainer, a nutritionist, or any other profession of the sort is the way to start improvement. Although these books can have great insight and research, they are not specific enough to my personal life circumstances, so I have only ever found them helpful to a certain degree.
I have always found that the most cliche recommendations for self-improvement are the ones that actually make a difference when done with intention. Going for walks and breathing fresh air can genuinely change the trajectory of my day. Meditating before bed helps me wake up ready for the next day. Not looking at my phone for 8 hours a day improves my ability to live in the moment. I don’t need to read something to tell me exactly how to change my way of thinking or acting until I smart with the small stuff. Access to broader resources like therapy is a difficult challenge to navigate or sustain for many, which is a very reasonable boundary. We as university students have the unique opportunity to access some of those services on campus, so now is the time to take advantage of them. If there are things to work on with yourself, explore your options and resources while you are able to. At Queen’s, the Student Wellness Services provides several options for physical and mental health resources, and they can be the easiest and most accessible place to start.
Another place to look for advice or understanding of self-improvement is from those around you. Your friends and family, along with yourself, know you better than anywhere else. They know your weaknesses as much as they know your strengths. That’s not to say you should ask all your friends what’s wrong with you or where you can improve; it means talking to them about why you feel like you need improvement in certain areas and working through where those thoughts may be coming from. The people who love you are there to help you as much as you are to help them, so let them listen to you.
In general, I have taken away far more life lessons from reading fiction than I have from any “Self-Help” book I have read. Fictional themes are meant to make you think rather than act, which is an incredibly valuable tool going into your life. The ability to apply a personal situation to a story I’m reading is much more rewarding to me than mapping out everything I need to do to start improving myself, which to me is a form of self-help on its own.
If “Self-Help” books work, I am so happy for you. A large contributor to my apprehension towards these books could be the way I’m reading and taking things away from them, so I can acknowledge that “User Error” could be a component of my opinion. However, if any of this hits close to home for you, put down the “Self-Help” book and go talk to friends, go for a walk, use your resources, write down your thoughts, or even read fiction: there is a lot to learn that is sitting right in front of you.