Every day, people quit doing drugs, but I can’t seem to quit biting my nails.
I’ve been biting my nails since I was 10, and for a long time I didn’t see a problem with it. I attribute this partially to my mother because she has the same vice and was never hard on me to quit the habit as a result. My grandma would sometimes discourage me from doing it, but that was primarily because her favourite activity to do with me was get our nails done and it was a bit of a damper when my nails were ripped to the cuticles.
I’m not sure why I began biting my nails but since then, no matter how big my desire has been to spare myself the pain or have beautiful long nails, I have never had a strong enough urge to quit. When I was about 14, my grandma and I were getting our nails done and the nail technician was overtly disappointed in the state of my nails. She lectured me on how bad it was for my hands as she did her best to paint the centimeter of nail I had left. At the end of my appointment, she told me that if I came back to her salon in a year and I had not bitten my nails from that day forward, she would give me $1000. By the next morning, my fresh, bright blue manicure was destroyed.
As I matured, I grew to be embarrassed of my bad habit, but never enough to stop. I became really discouraged about it heading into university – I was able to say no to drugs and alcohol but still couldn’t stop biting my nails. I worked hard to try to abstain from the biting so I could have beautiful, fun nails just like my friends. At one point I even bought a serum that you put on your nails to make them taste awful, but that didn’t work either. I’ve gotten upset and worked up over every failed attempt to change this habit, which leads me to bite my nails even more.
The periods in which my nail-biting is at its worst always aligns with when I’m most anxious. Whether I’m faced with a hard conversation or an exam, I ruin my nails to shift my focus away from the root of my stressors to a more tangible release. I’m now able to recognize that biting my nails has become my anxious mannerism.
Talking about something as mundane as biting my nails reminds me how important it is to recognize the convergence of a feeling or thought with physical action and response. Ironically, I bite my nails when I start to think about what to do with this revelation. I know feelings of anxiety and stress can manifest in various physical attributes, and biting my nails is probably not the only one I possess. Moving forward, the best thing I can do is consciously address and recognize these physical manifestations in the hopes that I can one day stop them altogether.
This anecdote is a reminder that those around you probably show signs of impending anxiety before they consciously act on it. An anxious tick can act as a warning sign for what is to come and an indicator that your friend or loved one needs you to be there for them, so remember to be patient and remind them of your unconditional love and support.