The breakupÂ
This summer I suffered the most tragic breakup of all time… okay, maybe not of all time, but it was bad. My long-term partner and I separated, and I found myself single for the first time since I was 16 years old. This meant most summer nights I was faced with the decision: should I cry in my room after work or go to Pilates?
Pilates as a workout
I started Pilates at the beginning of the summer in an attempt to get rid of the freshman 15. I consider myself fairly athletic, but there’s nothing I hate more than going to the gym. I hate having to wait for machines, planning my workouts, and always feeling like I was doing something wrong or someone was staring at me. So,to supplement a gym membership, I invested in a class pass to try out Pilates as a workout.Â
What actually is Pilates? While I usually spend most of my time doing reformer classes, and it’s probably what you picture when you think of a Pilates studio, there are other types of Pilates, like mat and tower. Reformer classes use a machine called a … you guessed it, a “reformer”, which has a sliding platform, adjustable springs for resistance, straps and a footbar. Throughout a class, you move through different exercises using the resistance of the springs and your own body weight to work everything from your core and legs to your arms and smaller stabilizing muscles. While it’s considered low-impact, don’t let that trick you; it’s HARD.
An hour where my muscles hurt more than my feelings
While I enjoyed my first few classes, I didn’t fall in love with Pilates until after my breakup. The concept of one hour where I could focus on my muscles burning rather than my heart breaking was exactly what a girl prone to post-breakup moping needed. I grew up playing sports my whole life and had always used that as an emotional outlet. However, since getting ACL surgery, I haven’t gotten back to playing competitive sports and I had forgotten how good it felt to focus on how my body feels rather than what’s going on in my head. While my internal monologue doesn’t fully go away in class, I spend the majority of the time thinking about my form, cussing out my instructor and making a mental note to Google how much sweat is too much.Â
The importance of putting time into yourself
One of the weirdest parts of becoming single after a long-term relationship is suddenly realizing how much free time you have. After spending years planning my time around another person and their schedule, I had to relearn how to spend that time on myself. Like many, when I’m alone, I tend to fall into bad habits like doomscrolling, and while I do have other pastimes I enjoy, like reading and going on long walks, the ritual of going to Pilatesclass became my way of saying, “I’m taking this hour for myself” no phone, no distractions, just me. As I mentioned earlier, I began going to Pilates for more or less vain reasons, but I continue to go because I love the way it makes me feel afterward. Leaving a class is like a breath of fresh air; I walk out of the studio with my head up, proud because not only did I show up for myself, but I completed a really hard workout. I also like that I can both feel and see myself getting stronger; I can hold planks longer, use heavier weights, AND I somehow gained better posture! It served as a good reminder of how much you can grow in a few weeks, and who knows how much progress I can make in a year.
The cute outfits did help…
I’ve never been someone who gets excited about a workout, but Pilates also changed that about me. From matching sets, aesthetic studios and matcha after class, what’s not to be excited about? When I first got interested in Pilates, I used a class pass that allowed me to try multiple studios near me to vet each one before splurging on a membership. This led to me becoming a self-proclaimed studio connoisseur, spending each class analyzing the decor and deciding which studio did it best (my favourite part of every studios is the LED mirrors for selfies). I also got to spend the money I would have spent on dates, gifts and gas on unnecessarily expensive matching workout sets! I’m a firm believer in “looking the part,” and I got to build a whole new wardrobe of leggings and sports bras that fed into my new Pilates princess persona. Alo, Aritzia – you name it, I tried all of the most popular brands to test all the different styles and see which is best. Between picking out my sets to match my grip socks and planning my classes around what time the local HEAL smoothies closed, the little fun things surrounding Pilates pushed me to continue to show up for myself.
Finding community when I needed itÂ
Another unanticipated element of going to Pilates was finding a community I wasn’t looking for. When I stopped forcing my friends or my Dad to come to classes with me, I looked around and saw other girls just like me. There is something so comforting about walking into a room full of people taking an hour to focus on themselves and collectively cursing under our breath when the instructor says, “ok, now eight more.” As I got more consistent in my routine, I started to notice familiar faces in class and even became acquainted with the instructors. The little things like chatting before class, complimenting each other’s sets and checking the score of the World Cup match mid-set all led to me feeling less alone during a time when loneliness was a part of my daily routine.Â
Pilates didn’t cure my heartbreak
As much as I want to say Pilates cured my broken heart, it didn’t. Pilates didn’t magically stop me from missing him or make me forget the past few years of my life. Instead, it gave me something else: confidence, community, movement and muscle. It gave me a safe space while I figured out everything else in my life. Some nights I still chose crying in my room. But more and more often, I chose Pilates.