Sex, for many, is a spiritual awakening and deeper connection with another human life. To others, it’s a leisurely activity that’s not to be taken too seriously. Should we, as a society, legitimize casual sex among unmarried, consenting adults? Or is abstaining the way to live the healthiest life?
WHAT IS PURITY CULTURE?
Purity culture, in its simplest form, is a set of evangelical values that seek to diminish sexual desire in women and promote celibacy until marriage. Purity culture is not exclusive to the Christian Church; in many spheres, in many different cultures and religions, to engage in explicit activity at a young age is shameful and stigmatized. Self-gratification is not a standard practice, and dressing modestly is encouraged.
IMPLICATIONS OF PURITY
While recently talking to my female friends whose families emigrated from a conservative Asian culture, I was shocked to learn that their parents never spoke to them about romantic relationships, let alone sexual education. They were shocked to learn that my mom put me on the birth control pill when I was a junior in high school and has open dialogues with me about practically anything I am curious about. There was no level of shame when the conversation came to natural feelings at an age-appropriate time. The openness of my family, school and peers has only caused me to be comfortable discussing sexuality, whether in a positive or negative light. While speaking to one of the friends that I mentioned earlier, she told me that she has never gone to a gynecologist in her life and wasn’t aware of the birth control options that we spoke about. In her household, sexual health and wellness are interchangeable with promiscuity. If she got a pap smear or pelvic exam at a preventative physical, it meant she was being impure. In my house, seeking medical assistance for any reason was seen as a necessity.
From what I have seen of purity culture and its victims, it is built upon false beliefs and myths. Purity culture operates on the idea that exposing youth to sexual education breeds promiscuity and immorality, leading to higher rates of teen pregnancy or STIs. Based on data, areas with comprehensive sexual education have lower rates of unwanted pregnancy (NIH.gov). Women are emboldened to cover up and not wear makeup, under the assumption that modest clothing decreases the likelihood of victimization. This is not true. There is no proof that attire or physical attractiveness have any effect on sexual violence (Minnesota Journal of Law & Inequality). Lastly, purity culture sets out to raise girls who cherish their bodies and develop self-respect for themselves. In actuality, it makes women feel that their self-worth is tied to their virginity, that their submission to their husbands is the end-all-be-all, making them feel that their bodies are evil and not to be celebrated. In some parts of the world, girls can’t go to school once they have started their periods. It all stems from the same patriarchal principles.
WHAT IS HOOKUP CULTURE?
Hookup culture, in its simplest form, is an environment, traditionally on college campuses, that minimizes the merit of emotional connection in a sexual relationship and encourages casual sexual encounters. One person may “hook up” with someone without a real commitment or label and may have multiple potential partners at one time. Hookup culture seemed to be a response to purity culture on online forums and social media platforms, pushing back on the built-up sexual frustrations that purity culture creates. Sex positivity and liberation have exploded in recent years, especially in queer circles, to show the world that sex is natural and acceptable.
IMPLICATIONS OF HOOKUP CULTURE
The social pressure to increase your sexual skills or your “body count” can lead to engaging in sex that is not pleasurable or emotionally healthy. Intimacy with somebody you are not close with, or you aren’t fully comfortable with, is begging for experiences that are disappointing and emotionally troubling; either feeling used or feeling like you are using somebody else. Personally, having sex with a “fling” never made me feel good; I always left with a shame that it wasn’t the right thing for my soul, and the pleasure wasn’t mutual. Though I learned a lot from those experiences, and I’m glad that I had that education, the pressure to hop in bed with strangers is not only emotionally harmful, but can be dangerous. Knowing your partner and having that emotional connection builds a level of trust to where you know their sexual history: that they’re clean of STDs, and they are disclosing important information about their health (Jennifer Berman).
Though I was raised in an open and sex-positive environment, it was never expected of me to explore before I was in a committed relationship. I was taught to protect my heart and body, as boys my age were untrustworthy with this terrain, but anything that I choose to do is my business. The incentive to be promiscuous in college was not lost on me. I, as well as many of my freshman year friends, felt that sex was this awesome party we weren’t being invited to, that it was a club for the “fun” and “attractive” people that we couldn’t be a part of. Clearly, you can’t win. You’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
A hypersexualized society may carry the belief that people with low sex drives are “losers” or less worthy, just as purity culture may tell those with a higher sex drive that they are unclean and reprehensible. Both are undoubtedly wrong and misguided. Virginity is a patriarchal concept that echoes the sentiment of men being the paramount of a woman’s personal worth. Women should not define who they are based on how men treat them. Your sexual past is the least interesting thing about you, and any person who is that interested in those details is probably not good for your life. There is a balance to be found in any situation, even though the pendulum swings too far sometimes.