Relationships, whether they are romantic or otherwise, are almost always complicated in college. You make friends along the way, and you probably lose some, too. Even people you thought would be by your side for life can fade out of your life as both of you grow into adulthood. Family relationships can be strained by physical distance and emotional distance alike, not to mention that expressing your newfound freedoms may ruffle a few feathers along the way. Dating has been made complicated by the emergence of hook-up culture, and even though dating apps have helped some with meeting new people, they often create more problems than they solve. All of these difficulties are multiplied tenfold if you or the other person in the relationship have a mental illness.
Mental illnesses are not all the same. There are a large number of different mental illnesses, including multiple depression syndromes, anxiety disorders, two incredibly unique bipolar disorders, schizophrenia, and so many others. All of these different disorders come with very different symptoms and warning signs. They all present unique challenges to the individual in their day-to-day life – and that includes relationships. What’s more: not all people living with a particular mental illness experience it the same way. Some people with depression might sleep all the time; some might not be able to sleep. Some people with anxiety may isolate themselves in response to a situation while others may become hyperactive in the stressor environment. If someone tells you they have a mental illness, it is best to leave your assumptions at the door and let them show you who they are and what their illness means for them.
Taking medication and going to therapy isn’t always enough. Even if someone with mental illness has been comfortable on a treatment regimen for a while, there will still be a bad day every so often. They are unpredictable. They are usually not preventable. And when they come, you just have to be ready to adapt. Maybe that means that your partner, friend or family member needs a little extra love that day, or maybe they need as much space as you can give them for a bit. Your support means the world to them, especially when all the scientific methods of tackling their disorder have failed for a day.
A bad day is not your fault. There may be times where your S.O., family member, or friend pushes you away and isolates themselves as part of the aforementioned bad days. They may seem angry with you all of a sudden or over something that you didn’t think was significant. You have to remember that a bad mental health day is not your fault. You probably didn’t cause it—unless you’re contributing to a toxic relationship— but you do have the power to help try to put the day back on track. If they withdraw, remind them that you’re here for them when they’re ready. If they get angry, gently remind them that you are not a punching bag, but you’re available to help them work through whatever upset they are experiencing. Handling the ups and downs of mental illness can be so frustrating for the person experiencing it that they forget that their support system is right there with them.
Many people who have a mental illness struggle with accepting themselves because of it. They often make self-deprecating comments, which may frustrate you because you might think they’re a fabulous human being. They might be super confident one day, espousing the “I have a mental illness but it does not have me” mentality, and then they might feel totally defeated by it the next day. Accepting that you have a mental illness, especially in a world that that constantly portrays the mentally ill as violent, incapable, and totally inferior in every way. If we can work together to erase the stigma, even in our personal lives, then we can work toward the self-love and acceptance that will allow better and healthier relationships to bloom.
A person is more than their mental illness. This one is really self-explanatory. There will be days where it feels impossible to overcome the barrier that mental illness creates, but fighting for love and friendship is always worth it. The loyalty and support you will receive in return is unparalleled.
When times get tough, keep your chin up and remember that a bad day does not mean a bad life! Provide support where you can, and don’t be afraid to speak up for your needs too. Most importantly, love with all you’ve got.