On April 10th, I will celebrate 20 years of being alive. This is as exciting as it is terrifying. Being 20 means I am no longer a teenager. I legally became an adult when I turned 18, but now that I am in my 20s it seems much more official. I have many more responsibilities now than I had 2 years ago and there is a lot more expected of me. It feels like my childhood is now over and it’s time to start growing up. To help myself process the fate of time, I am going to reflect back on the past 20 years and how I got to this point.
Me and my sisters at 5 years old
When I was a kid I was shy, but that didn’t stop me from having a dynamic personality. I didn’t care what other people thought of me. I was entirely myself always. I was the weird kid on the bus who would sing the song stuck in my head out loud even though I knew everyone could hear me. Even when I was bullied for reading on the bus or at recess in elementary school, I still talked excitedly about whatever book I was reading to anyone who was willing to listen.
Me at 12 years old
There was a definitive shift in middle school, when most kids were preoccupied with being cool. I didn’t care about that, but I became increasingly aware that I was clearly someone who was different. I began to build carefully constructed walls around me that just grew tighter over the years. I was trying to prevent myself from getting hurt but I just hurt myself in the process by shutting myself off from other people and sinking deeper into introversion. Even today I am still working on breaking down those walls.
The past 5 years of my life were definitely the hardest. My anxiety increased. I suffered from mental health issues that became much worse, losing my desire to live and have a future. There was a period of time where I didn’t think I would ever even make it to 20. That’s why I’m so happy to be turning 20 next week. It means that I made it through. It shows how strong I am to be able to overcome all the bad times. I made it to 20 years of life and I am so excited to be alive for many, many more.
Me now
If you would like to write for Her Campus Mount Holyoke, or if you have any questions or comments for us, please email mt-holyoke@hercampus.com.