Everyone tells you college will be the best four years of your life- the late-night adventures, the friends that your kids will call aunts and uncles, and the soulmate you get to meet in your freshman organic chemistry class. Okay, maybe that’s a little too far, but you get the gist: there’s this expectation that college is where you meet your people; the ones who will be by your side for the rest of your life. So when you get on campus and realize that making friends isn’t instantaneous and much harder than you anticipate, it’s a bit jarring. The truth is, more people than you know are in this boat.
One of the biggest challenges is that everyone is starting fresh at the same time. That sounds great in theory, but it also means people latch onto the first familiar faces they meet—roommates, orientation groups, the people sitting near them in class, or, in a state school like MSU, their high school friend groups. Once those “welcome week” established circles form, it can feel intimidating to break in later, even if many of those early friendships may not last long-term.
It can be very hard to go out of your way to make friends. A lot of people say that clubs are the best way to meet new people, and although that is true, it doesn’t just end with going. Striking up a conversation with a complete stranger is often very difficult and awkward.
Schedules don’t help either. Friendships form because of constant contact, especially in the beginning. Making conversation one time doesn’t necessarily mean that you are now friends. Keeping in consistent contact with someone is very hard because life gets in the way between classes, work, exams, and just trying to survive. Everyone is busy— plans fall through, people forget to text back, and suddenly a month has gone by without seeing someone you actually vibed with. It’s not anything personal—it’s just the constant motion of college life.
Another reason it’s harder than it looks is the pressure. College is painted as a place where you’re supposed to meet lifelong friends, so every social interaction feels like it has to be perfect. When you don’t feel like you have that group of friends, you start worrying about saying the right thing, coming off as interesting but not weird, or trying to “click” instantly with people. But real friendships rarely form that quickly—they take shared experiences, time, and a lot of awkward small talk.
Then there’s the comparison trap. Social media makes it seem like everyone else immediately found their perfect group of besties. But behind those photos are countless people who still eat lunch alone sometimes, feel lonely in a crowd, or are scared to admit they haven’t found “their people” yet.
The real truth is making friends anywhere is a process, and college is no exception. Like any other relationship in life, friendship takes work. The friendships that end up meaning the most often happen slowly and in a way randomly—through repeated conversations in class, joining a club because you genuinely like it, or even bonding over how confusing an assignment is. So strike up a conversation with a stranger, make plans with someone you vibed with only once, even if they fall through, text that person even if they forget to text you back later, and keep being your most authentic self. Remind yourself that if making friends in college feels harder than you expected, you’re not alone. It’s never a straightforward process, so keep putting yourself out there; it just might be worth it.