Like many of you, I decided that there were a lot of things that I wanted to accomplish this year. I knew that I had wasted a lot of time last semester just playing games and watching TV when there were other things I was pushing aside. I wanted to read more, have a better sleep schedule, and be a bit healthier in the new year. So, I came up with a few resolutions that I was going to do every day, and I put them in a habit tracker app so I could remind myself to do them, and feel that little hint of pride whenever I checked a habit off for the day.
I decided that most of the things I wanted to do would be easier once I got on campus, so for the first week of January, I didn’t really do anything differently. But once I arrived here on the Saturday before classes started, I downloaded a habit tracker app and put in 7 habits that I wanted to do every day. I won’t bore you with the full list, but they were things like eating healthier, journaling, and going to sleep by 11pm every night. For the first 3 days, I checked off every single habit on every day, and I felt so proud of myself for being so on top of things. I felt like this year, I was finally going to improve my time management and accomplish all of my goals.
But last Thursday, after surviving most of a week that seemed way too stressful to only be the first week of classes, I didn’t really feel like doing one of my habits. I felt discouraged to see no checkmark next to it, since I felt like skipping would ruin my streak and my motivation. So I forced myself to do it anyway, even though I wasn’t enjoying it or getting anything out of it. I felt happy that I had completed all of my habits for the day, but I felt bad that I had forced myself to do something that I didn’t want to do.
The next day, I looked at the daunting list of tasks that I had assigned myself to do every day, and I felt overwhelmed because I was afraid that there was no way to fit all of them in. I realized that was making myself feel like a failure if I couldn’t squeeze everything in, and that I was pushing myself to do things that I didn’t want to do or even need to do, just so I could feel like I was improving myself.
I understand now that it’s not the end of the world if I don’t read 20 pages of a book or make it to the gym every day. All that matters is that I do what I think is right for me at my own pace. I had gotten so fixated on the idea of rebranding or transforming myself that I forgot to actually take care of myself. Now, I’ve decided that I will just go through my day, and if I decide that I do feel like reading or practicing my French, then that’s okay. But if I don’t, that’s okay too!
Habit Trackers can be great motivators and are really helpful if you want to make changes to your lifestyle. But becoming obsessed with the idea of checking off your habits just so you can say that you’ve done them can be really unhealthy. Remember, you are allowed to say no if you don’t feel like doing something. Take care of you!