I sit in the car, driving back to campus
I want to be there
But I don’t want to leave where I am.
I want to start class
But I don’t want to do it online.
Three weeks
We’re only supposed to be online for three weeks
But I doubt that
I don’t dare say it
But I doubt that
Yet I sit in the car, driving back to campus
And I’m not anxious
I’m not thrilled
But I’m not anxious
What if?
It’s a game my brain and I play constantly
I usually lose
But today I’m ahead.
Not plagued by the things I’d miss
If three weeks becomes three months
I’m seeing ways to make the most of it
I have a plan that doesn’t sound so bad
One that I might even enjoy
That maybe
Someday
I would say I could be grateful for
That’s different.
It’s weird.
Bizarre.
I’m not thinking about what didn’t happen
But reminiscing on what did
I’m not being upset at the let-downs
But finding silver linings
I’m not dwelling on the past
But looking forward to the future
The fight frozen on my mind
It’s temporarily thawed.
The slow songs, sad songs
They get skipped.
I sing through a smile
I giggle at lyrics
I make plans to make plans
Then I realize
Something is different
The Sun is out
She shines through the windshield
She brightens the car
And my mood
And my spirits
She warms the day
And my mind
And my fears
She is good to me
She is good for me
And She makes me good to me
She makes me good for me
She is out
She is here
She is the Sun.