I used to love the ocean,
the blue waves and the white foam,
every drop of water sparkling in the sunlight,
the smell of salt lingering in the air.
It was refreshing,
after the mundanity of day to day life.
It was peaceful,
after the tedious and never ending hustle.
It was freeing,
after being kept on such a tight leash.
And so I stepped in,
just my toes at first.
The water felt nice,
like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
And so I kept waddling in,
step by step,
deeper and deeper.
another step…
a rock cuts the bottom of my foot,
another step…
a strong wave pushes me under the water,
another step…
I reemerge with seaweed in my hair and water in my nose,
another step…
and all of a sudden I’m neck deep.
And that’s when the storm hit,
when I was too far deep in to make it back to shore,
when all I could do was try to stay on my feet,
and not drown as the waves threw me around like a rag doll,
Breaking my heart,
Breaking my spirit,
Breaking me.
And just when I couldn’t take it any longer,
I was thrown a lifeline and dragged back to shore,
gasping for air,
still choking on water,
an absolute mess,
Hurt that the ocean betrayed me so completely and so effortlessly.
I trusted it to welcome me.
I trusted it to take good care of me.
I trusted it to love me.
I trusted it to not hurt me at the very least.
But it did.
And oh, the scars it left:
Deformities all over my body,
some awfully obvious and others a well kept secret.
Bruises on my chest,
some ugly shades of purple and others barely visible.
Cuts on my throat,
some a reminder of the waves suffocating me and others just scratches.
But all reminders of the unrelenting storm I’ve just experienced.
Even with the beautiful memories of the cool waves kissing my feet,
of the peaceful feeling of the sun caressing my face,
of the refreshing salty breeze embracing my nose,
I cannot forget the horrors of the ocean.
And he is the ocean that I’ll never forget.