I’ve always been proud of my ability to figure things out by myself. I’ve always been super individualistic, and asking for help made me feel like I wasn’t smart enough. Most of my life, doing things by myself hasn’t been a problem.
However, lately, this hasn’t been possible. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but this year has been really hard. Maybe it was going back to in-person classes after a year of online. Suddenly, everything was overwhelming. Classes were harder, my job was getting more stressful, and I felt like I was putting in more effort in my relationships.
My therapist started talking to me about self-advocacy. Asking for help when I needed it was one of the main things she recommended. The idea of doing that made me so uncomfortable, but I knew she was right.
If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. When I felt overwhelmed at work, I told my boss I needed a break. If I was struggling with finishing assignments, I’d let my professors know and ask for an extension. Whenever I asked, the answer was usually yes.
The thing that made me the most anxious was advocating for myself in my relationships. I didn’t want to make people mad at me, and I was scared that telling people what upset me would make them react negatively. Realistically, I needed to remember that people care, and don’t want to unintentionally hurt you. Most people will be open to listening. The people who aren’t, aren’t worth it.
My life has definitely changed after starting to advocate for myself more. You don’t have to feel like you have to do everything yourself. Individualism is prized in American culture, but that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. Most of the time, it’s not. Asking for help and allowing people to be there for you isn’t weak. People want you to succeed.