Everyone, either once or multiple times, has faced that exciting yet dreadful moment of leaving your home for the first time – how exciting! There are new people, new opportunities – and especially without your family – new rules that you can make for yourself.
It’s a big step in your personal world, and sometimes it pays off. While other times, it doesn’t.
I was incredibly excited when I left home for the first time for school – it was like I was stepping into something that I felt was going to be the new normal. Making all your decisions felt rewarding yet foreign, and I thought I would never get sick of it … until I did.
The first week of the second semester, I decided I was going to come back for the very first day and stay there, and that all lasted for one week before I packed my things and went back home. I didn’t attribute it to feeling homesick. I loved my friends at school, all the things I was able to do and the places I was able to go to, but something was off.
It wasn’t until I spent the next whole week at home when I realized what I missed was “home”, but not the physical location. I missed hearing my mother and father speak in their native tongue. I missed having my mother’s home cooked meals every day that I couldn’t find anywhere else, no matter how hard I tried. I missed us gossiping about our extended family, and sitting in on my parents watching their favorite foreign 80s sitcom that I still couldn’t fully understand, but knew was good because my parents were always in stitches. Those moments and feelings I couldn’t recreate alone.
School continued on as normal, and it was going great, but the realization that I missed the home feeling of my family’s culture was hard hitting. No matter where I would go, whether I would meet people that I would love or find areas that were warmly encompassing, I couldn’t replicate home even if I tried.
I learned that I took home for granted most of the time, and even considered it a hindrance or blockage in my life. Culture wasn’t needed for me because I was American first, and that was the entire reason my family was in the house that we lived in. But still in that American house, we built a foreign home. It took real reflection and time away from home to realize its importance,how it impacted me and would continue to be a part of my identity – no matter how far I was.
Still, I understood that I couldn’t be at home – even mentally – forever. I moved back into the dorms after my personal break. However, I tried to connect home to school in ways I felt I could.
On the way back, my family went to a ‘European’ market and I bought all the traditional snacks I could find. Before I was fully gone, my parents and I went to a restaurant with a muslim basis – the first real restaurant my parents have gone to since the pandemic has started. I could tell that in them, it felt like they were connecting to ‘home’ as well. We parted our ways, like we’ve done many times before, but this time felt more complete. I knew what was missing from my complete happiness away from home, and realized I’m able to take it with me, even in small doses. Connecting this into the broader scope of my life made me recognize the positive significance it held to me.