Music heals the soul.
Or, well…
For me, it’s been a big part of my healing process. Searching up breakup songs on Spotify, putting on my headphones, and blasting the same things over and over again. Most of my time at the gym has been backed by a tragically sad soundtrack.
I miss the bus a lot as well. When I’m begrudgingly walking all across campus and getting my steps in, I have lyrics that seem like they were written for me in my ears. It’s nice as much as it is sad that I have something to fall back on in my circumstance.
Spotify’s daylist for me yesterday dubbed my listening style as, “Yearning, and soul crushing.” So, that will tell you something about the content of the songs I’ve been looping.
As sad as I have been, the fact that these artists have been through what I’ve been through is comforting. I’m not alone in this experience, and I won’t ever be the last person who went through heartbreak. If ever I find myself in the same seat again, I’ll have the beautiful songs to come back to.
This is in no way a ranked list; I love and value each song just the same.
1. “Not Allowed” by TV Girl
Now you suck!
It’s the perfect song for venting anger. I love the way it feels as though the singer is telling the story of the relationship, however I have made the song personal to me. It feels like it’s current me speaking to past me. A big issue I’ve had is wishing for my old self back, and every time I sing this, I’m singing it to her.
2. “Night Shift” by Lucy Dacus
Every aspect of this song has resonated with me, particularly the lyrics, “walk four hours in the dark.” Because that is exactly what I did the night I realized everything was over. It’s so awfully depressing, but when the end hits I’m always screaming the lyrics. Dacus always knows how to portray gut-wrenching feelings with her words, and this song is no different.
I fully expect it to be one of my top songs for this year. It holds so much power and so much weight, and I find myself jamming out to it even when I’m not in a bad mood.
3. “Means Something” by Lizzy McAlpine
Lizzy McAlpine is representing the delusional population with this one, I’m sure of it. It played on shuffle as I was taking that four-hour depressing walk, and I was shocked at how much I related to the lyrics. I struggled with getting over things, and her ability to capture the feeling of thinking about someone too much is magnificent.
4.”Nine Lives” by Odie Leigh
I’ve had this song in my playlist for a while, and it is quite versatile for circumstances. It’s about giving too much of yourself to other people, and getting hurt due to your self-sacrificing nature. I’m someone who lends myself to other people; I’m someone who is kind to a fault and I love others too hard.
The sad tune has a gentleness to it. There is no hard instrumental behind the powerful words Odie Leigh sings. I particularly identify with the lyrics, “I don’t think I fell too hard, got this injured in thе climb.”
5. “I miss you, I’m sorry” by Gracie Abrams
Feeding my sad-angry mood starts with this song, usually. A lot of the lyrics don’t resonate with my circumstance, yet I still scream them. The chorus is just so good, and so passionate that I can’t help but let Gracie Abrams take me into that pissed-off mood. She’s been wronged, I’ve been wronged, so why don’t we get mad about it?
This is a good one to play in a casual playlist as well due to the fact that I don’t identify with it as much as I do the others on this list.
6. ”History Of Man” by Maisie Peters
Maisie Peters is excellent at showing the anger that comes with dealing with men and relationships. I feel like it’s the singer within myself to say I belt out the songs on this list in the car, but with lyrics like this, how am I not supposed to?
I love this song because it shows that, historically, men just let you down! As well, Peters asks quite a few questions throughout. I think this highlights the confusion, and lack of understanding in dealing with relationships and how they ended. Why do men do the things they do?
7. “Anything” by Adrianne Lenker
I have sobbed multiple times to this song I will admit. It is filled with so much sadness I fail to comprehend how I can ever recover. Yet, Adrianne Lenker writes with so much appreciation to her former partner. It’s that feeling of former adoration and gratefulness for what was once there coupled with hurt that really strikes my heart.
Lenker explores what she lost. And it hurts so good to have this play in my ears as I walk across campus. Like, does the person on the bus next to me know I’m listening to one of the most devastating songs on my playlist right now?
8. “Man” by Quinnie
Listen, this is such a good one to listen to when a man wrongs you. When the shuffle hits you so hard and plays this right after History Of Man, it sets off a certain rage. I’m just a woman who’s been wronged!
Man issues aside, Quinnie sings this with fury in her voice. She belts out her grievances, she’s spiteful, and she’s upset that she trusted someone. I adore the way that the chorus seems as if it was made to be screamed, and I adore the simple lyrics for how easy it is to sing along to.
9. “Lovegod” by Sarah Kingsley – The Diamond Sessions
I’m a woman who’s been wronged and I’m a sucker for strings. The original song is beautiful, but the Diamond Session version has me wanting to dance around. The passion is there with the violin, and as the music swells, I feel every single word.
Sarah Kingsley hits me with that sense of longing, and that yearning for genuine connection. I especially identify with trying to find something with someone else out of desperation for companionship. I thought I had a deep connection, and I feel as though I’m chasing that feeling in every person.
10. “It’s Not The Same Anymore” by Rex Orange County
This one is just so moodlifting. It reminds me that I’m real, and that I’m a person. Change happens, and things are different. There’s a shift in the middle of the song where it goes from identifying you’ve changed, to accepting that you’re a different person.
It’s a lighthearted beat as well, which lends itself to the resilient lyrics. When I was at my darkest, I kept thinking the same thing: I want to go back to who I was when I was happy. So, the fact that there’s a whole song dedicated to accepting who you are now is something that really helped me start to heal. “I miss the days when I was someone else,” but also, “It’s not the same anymore. It’s better.”
I do have a Spotify playlist I like to shuffle when I’m in the mood to lament on my experience. Hours of searching, “healing,” and “sad breakup,” have resulted in my ability to have a song to play when I’m in a certain mood.
If you’re interested in these songs, you can find them in my playlist “January Was Five Years Long,” on Spotify.
Whether I’m on the bus, running on the treadmill, or rotting on the floor, music has helped me out so much. Not having someone in your life anymore is a pretty rough thing to have to go through as well. I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone, but the fact that these songs exist is a testament that sometimes relationships end.
Healing isn’t linear, it’s not the same for everyone. But there are certain things that help. Like some apparent soul-crushing tunes.