Why do we feel the need to give everything up for others? Why do we think that if we don’t give up our time we inconvenience others? Why do we think that we should be able to manage everything alone?
I have repeatedly asked myself these questions knowing that I am a human giver.
I give and I give until I have nothing left.
Saying no is a rarity in my life as I continue to dismiss my boundaries for others’ convenience. In fact, I don’t believe I have ever said no to my boss. I can say no to my loved ones, but I will drop everything to help my coworkers out when it comes to working.
On the surface, everything seems fine with me, but on the inside, I am freaking out about everything I have to manage. Balancing school and work takes so much practice, and it can get messy if you don’t set boundaries between them. If you repeatedly say yes to people, they will take advantage of you – even if it’s not their person intention. This happened to me at my last job and is happening yet again at my current one.
I had never heard of the human giver syndrome until I saw a headline in a magazine discussing it. I looked up what it was, only to realize this is what I have.
The syndrome is based on the belief that it’s your obligation to give up everything for others, even if it inconveniences you. Burnout comes from putting your feelings aside to be available whenever needed. Being a giver implies doing what you should rather than what you want. You are considerate about others’ time rather than your own. The question “am I doing enough” plays over in your head as you decide to take on more responsibilities.
Women are heavily affected by human giver syndrome.
They were raised to be caring and giving, putting others’ needs before their own. They are praised for these actions and believe that it’s their purpose to give. The truth is that repeatedly giving does not make you any better of a person. It doesn’t even change others’ perspectives of you.
People lose track of how much you give them. They give you praise only to ask you for more. You don’t have to exceed expectations to be a good person, and self-worth does not come from productivity.
You are allowed to have boundaries and limit how much you give. It’s ok to say no; it’s ok to prioritize yourself. Some of the most successful people are those who set boundaries. It’s right to give and care for others but remember to include yourself. You won’t have anything left to offer if you don’t look after yourself.