Vogue has become well known for its opinionated pieces, and currently, there has been a craze surrounding one article in particular: “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” As a lifelong single lady, I thought that my opinion on this article was worth sharing.
I have been single for my whole 21 years of existence, which in my mind is a long time. I never had a middle school boyfriend or a high school sweetheart, and now, as a senior in college, I have started to think this may be how I am going to be for the rest of my life: single and alone. However, within this past year, I have started to nurture those feelings within myself and have realized that having the boyfriend that I wanted, maybe was not all that. Upon reading this article, I reflected on my own experiences and my never-ending search for the love I so desperately craved. I reminded myself of the times where I put myself out there for a man, only to be disappointed by their bare minimum offering of a one-night stand and a blocked number.
The author of the article, Chante Joseph, touches on the subject of how many women are in “Boyfriend Land,” describing it as “a world where women’s online identities are centered around the lives of their partners.” Immediately, I was hooked. I have met so many amazing and talented women who have not only dedicated so much of their time to their partners, but have also lost sight of their friendships and own interests as a result of their newfound role as “supportive girlfriend.” This is not to say that all women are fawns to their male counterparts; however, being “boyfriend-obsessed,” as described by Joseph, can be damaging to your own self-worth, self-esteem, and personal identity. She goes on to explain how many women are actually removing their husbands or boyfriends from their social media, in an attempt to claim solidarity with women who are single and protect themselves from the online frenzy that comes with a public partnership. The interesting part, though, is that now, a once-revered relationship comes with criticism and cringe.
The article continues explaining that the online narrative of these women having boyfriends is now perceived as “embarrassing,” due to not only the current and frustrating dating pool that we live in, but also the political climate. More and more women are opting for a partnerless life by pursuing their own passions and taking control of their narrative as strong and independent women. Although having a boyfriend is by no means a knock to the feminist movement, many influencers like Nara Smith, who do showcase their partners, also portray a traditional homemaker lifestyle that reflects a current rise in conservatism. Many women who participated in this article were quoted describing that having a boyfriend started to paint them as “beige” or “watered-down,” stating that their identity became associated with that of their partner’s.
In my personal opinion, I do not agree with the message that simply having a boyfriend is embarrassing. However, I do think that many women are becoming too dependent on having a man on their arm. I would also argue that the blatant persistence to be with someone who is not treating you the way you want or deserve is self-deprecating and unfair to your mental well-being. Why stay with someone who is causing you tears and stress? If your best friend treated you like that, how much would you endure before you had a conversation or cut them off completely? Is it so different with a man just because they provide you with love and attention in a different way? I truly believe that knowing your worth and protecting your peace should be a core value for women, and disregarding red flags just to say that “I have a boyfriend” calls for a deeper discussion. The problem is not about the fact that you may have a boyfriend, it’s about having a boyfriend for the sake of the label.
One of my favorite quotes from this article is “Boyfriends are out of style. They won’t come back in until they start acting right.” The simple act of having a boyfriend should not be something to be embarrassed about, but molding yourself into someone’s ideal version of you just for a formal label is. So ladies, when you are searching for love, or are even in an active relationship, ask yourself this, “How much am I going to put up with?”