I first heard the term “situationship” in high school. I hadn’t had my first kiss yet, lost my virginity, or even had a boyfriend. Despite two of those things having changed since then, I thought that the way of getting into a relationship was playing the long game, and that is when I found out the hard way that situationships do not get you into the relationship you’ve been dreaming of.
In simple terms, a situationship is a type of “relationship” that goes through all the phases of a real partnership, but without the commitment. You could be hanging out with this person, going for dinner, or even having sex, and yet there is no formal connection whatsoever. I would describe it as a type of “gray area” where feelings of uncertainty or even just plain lack of interest in a commitment, overtake the want for a label. As someone who has been in a situationship or two, I truly believed that the person I was communicating with was in it for the same reasons as I was; to gain a true relationship. However, after many trials and tribulations, I was struck by the hard truth that most of the time, that is not the case.Â
I tried. I fought my deep feelings of hope and exhausted all my energy on being available on their terms, and making sure their needs were met when they wanted them to be. I wondered, “Maybe they will start to like me back if I keep this up and continue this nonchalant and nonclingy approach.” Nope! They were looking for lust, and I was searching for love, something that was never discussed but always lingering in the air of the rooms in which we lay. I would go home, and they would text when they felt like it.
I finally realized that this type of lifestyle was draining any ounce of happiness and hope of finding love someday out of my body. I was pouring all of my love into someone who did not care for it, and I did not deserve that. I concluded that the only way to change the narrative of my life and my search for the one was to rewrite it myself, and that is what I have done. In the past year, I have maintained celibacy and have refrained from falling into someone else’s periodic craving for my existence. I want to be loved for who I am, not for something I provide.
 As of today, I have no interest in doing anything with anyone, and although the “waiting” is painful and irritating, I will never again give myself to someone who does not cherish the person I am and everything I can be to them. My worth and energy are more important than the possibility of getting a text back or a late-night call. Although it took me a while to come to this point, my experiences have shaped me into someone who has had enough of the bare minimum, so no, I will not “come over” or “go for a drive.” If you need to reach me, I am available for dinner reservations and a bouquet, because I AM worth it.