What is the Steve Complex?
“College is where you will find the love of your life”…. umm wrong. If you are anything like me you were promised that “netflix romcom highschool love story”….and then reality hit. Now you are freshly 18, and you think giving dating another try isn’t so bad. Well I’m here to tell you what to stay away from! The Steve Complex. You are probably wondering, “Who is Steve” and “What’s his complex”? I am calling this personality/genre of guy you should stay far away from, in your collegiate dating experience, The Steve Complex. This is modeled after Sex and The City character, Steve Brady. Steve is introduced as Miranda Hobbes’s (one of the main character’s) love interest. Steve, although rough on the edges, starts off as a loveable and nerdy character, and becomes a quick fave and beloved member of the show. However, as the show progresses we slowly see Steve’s insecurities— that he has as a man—that he projects onto his love interest, Miranda. This inevitably creates this rollercoaster of romantic turmoil and hardships, which ultimately leads to him cheating, permanently leaving a stain on their relationship. The Steve Complex is an easy hole to fall into. All throughout our girlhood and womanhood, the media is constantly trying to convince us to go for the quiet, nerdy, nice, overlooked “underdog”. While this can be true and an easy guy to fall for, what happens when he turns out to present those Steve-like characteristics?
What to Avoid and How to Counteract?
Steve comes in many different shapes, sizes, colors, and attitudes, but here’s what to look out for. The guy who is a quiet/popular loner, but you wonder why he’s single— Most likely a Steve! The insecure guy who tells you “he’s scared to mess things up” because he thinks you’re too good for him— Girl run because that was his warning signal! The guy who’s wishy-washy, stalks you on socials, but won’t take you out of the “talking stage”, you guessed it— Steve junior. Self awareness is the start to repel these types of people. As women, our vulnerability is unfortunately taken advantage of by these types of men, allowing them to drop the mask and show their true, insecure colors. Of course it takes time to heal, but there are ways we can use this to our advantage. Sometimes we are guilty of ignoring these warning signs/red flags. It is important to note that we can not change someone, and we are definitely not responsible for coddling or ensuring that these types of men have a positive turnover. Secondly, we all enjoy familiarity. However, is the “spin-back” really that important to compromising your peace, mental health, and overall throwing you back into that toxic Steve-Miranda cycle? Lastly, you don’t need to turn yourself into a Mr.Big (another recurring love interest in Sex and the City) and be void of romantic feelings and relations to combat these catalysts, but setting boundaries, being honest with yourself, and learning from past mistakes is key. Take this as a warning not to be the Miranda to his Steve; college is the place to find yourself inside your womanhood, not to lose yourself trying to gain a piece of another.
Conclusion
Naturally, not falling back into old habits and coming to terms that someone you care for may not have your best interest is a hard pill to swallow and easier said than done. In spite of that, acknowledgment is a great first start and healing takes time. Every experience is a learning experience; it is not your job to control others actions, but you can learn from theirs to better predict and control your own. Of course every guy who fits these descriptions may not be a bad person, and perhaps may romantically be redeemable. However, it is important to be aware and protective over your own emotional well-being. Ultimately, every girl in their teens to early 30s should watch HBO’s Sex and the City, and learn and observe the comical, yet relatable romantic journey of the main cast!