Coming into college when I was a freshman, just shy of 18 years old, I had high expectations. To say I thought I would be having the time of my life was an understatement. From being with friends 24/7 in the dorm, to getting to go out and have fun whenever I pleased, even to just getting to do the grocery shopping on my own, it all sounded like a great life to me. Little did I know that once my parents left me (keep in mind that I am from far out of state), I would start sobbing, feeling so lost and helpless.
As my freshman year went on and I got into the routine of things, this helpless and constant sadness started to slowly go away. While I enjoyed going to class and focused a lot on schoolwork, I noticed I did not have fun and enjoy going out on weekends and school nights with my friends. I made myself go out the first month or two of school so that I could experience these new and exciting things. At this time I was also still finding my solid group of friends. Eventually I found my closest friends, the ones that enjoyed just hanging out in the dorm and talking on the weekends. I finally felt like I fit in.
Even though I felt like I fit in, I still would get that overwhelming helpless and sad feeling. Towards the end of my freshman year, I realized that college so far has not turned out to be everything I expected. When the end of the school year came around, I don’t think I ever had such strong excitement to go home. Along with being excited to go home, I also found myself so excited to come back next year because I would have a completely different life here.
When my sophomore year rolled around, I definitely had higher expectations. I was living on my own in an apartment with my three closest friends that I had met in the dorm. I thought this would change a lot of things that I had felt about last year. Sadly, when my parents dropped me off and said goodbye, that same sobbing and helpless feeling took over my body. This time, it did not last as long. It had gone away in a few days. About three weeks later I had realized that things still weren’t meeting my high expectations for college. As much as I had been last year, I would count down the days and weekends until I got to go home again, and until the end of the semester.
At the end of second semester, I realized maybe college is not what it is said to be, for me at least. I gave up the hope that it would get better over the years. I also realized that the part I have enjoyed most so far throughout college is the classes. They make me feel accomplished and occupied, especially since I know that I am just getting one step closer to my degree and starting my life. While many people out there in college are supposedly wishing they did not have to go to classes and could just party, I sit here getting excited for class. In the end, I realize that as a sophomore, now 20 years old, it is okay to not be in love with college. The college life is not for everyone, and for the people out there struggling with accepting that, the sooner you can do it, the sooner you’ll actually be happier. I have accepted the fact that it is okay for me to not enjoy going out and partying every weekend with my friends, it’s okay for me to get so excited to go to class. It’s all just okay for me to be me.