“At any given moment you have this power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.”
“It’s never too late to start over. If you weren’t happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don’t stay stuck, do better.”
“The difference between you are and who you want to be is what do you.” These are some of the top results when you search “motivational depression quotes” on Pinterest. Quotes that are supposed to lift your mood, to make it a little easier to go about your day.
For me, though, they have the exact opposite effect.
I realize that these kinds of quotes help some people—they must, or so many millions of them wouldn’t exist. For me, though, they highlight the difference between where I am and where I feel I “should” be.
I see them as belittling my problems—saying that if only I wouldn’t have issues if only I would “do better.” They describe a sense of control over mental health that I’ve simply never felt. That, then, makes me feel guilty for not “trying hard enough” to “fix myself.” I worry that I’m making myself unhappy, that I subconsciously want to miserable, that it’s all my fault.
You—as my friend or as some random person on the internet—don’t have the right to tell me that I’m not trying hard enough. First off, you don’t know how hard I’m fighting to make it through the day, how difficult it can be to get out of bed and eat something and go to class. And secondly, when did my effort become your problem?
I understand that most comments like these come from a place of love, from a genuine effort to support and help. I know that your goal isn’t to belittle me, that you aren’t meaning to imply that my problems could be easily fixed. I just wanted to let you know that sometimes it comes across that way. Sometimes my anxious mind takes your innocent comment and adds layer after layer of harmful subtext.
Everyone interprets things differently. That’s true for everyone on this planet, not just those of us with some kind of diagnosis. So here’s my takeaway: realize that what you say isn’t necessarily what people hear, and don’t dismiss their reactions just because they don’t stem from what you “meant to say.”
And take-away number two: If someone’s having a hard time, they don’t need your proselytizing and motivation. Sometimes they just need a hug (ask permission first!) and for you to say that you understand, that you know it’s hard, that it’ll be okay.
That, at the very least, is what I’m looking for.