“It gets better” is a cliche I’m sure we’ve all heard a thousand times when we go through a rough patch in our lives. While this statement is true, I find myself needing a little more clarity in moments of darkness and confusion. There are times when you’ve been hurt or betrayed, and when you’ve failed or made a mistake. These challenges sometimes require us to learn some hard lessons. I tend to have quite a few mottos I say to myself and others in times like these. I strive to find a silver lining, a message or, at the very least, some sort of explanation for things when I’m feeling sad and lost. Some of these sayings can help deal with these emotions, and a couple are just some wise views I’ve acquired during my 18 years here on Earth. No matter where you’re at in your life right now, these mottos are some things to think about.
It’s an explanation not an excuse.
This is something I frequently say when I am trying to rationalize something terrible that has happened in my life. I try to empathize with those who have hurt me or wronged me, and I put myself in their shoes. What could have led them to make the choices that they did? While there is no good excuse to be mean to someone or hurt their feelings, looking for underlying causes can help you understand the situation and forgive the person. People go through a lot of their own struggles, which can explain their behavior, but it still doesn’t excuse it.
Regret is a wasted feeling.
I tend to tell this to other people in my life quite often, but it is still something I struggle to remind myself. It is very easy to sit and wallow in a poor choice you made and wish you could change it all. While it would be nice if you could, unfortunately we cannot change the past; we can only move forward. Instead, reflection is what we should focus on. Reflection is much more productive than regret, as we can learn from our mistakes and change our behaviors for the better. While there may be some things you wish you could do all over again, remember to reflect, forgive and move on.
Don’t let others feel the pain you’ve felt.
When people ask me why I care so much about other people, I always respond by saying, “I never want other people to feel the way I have felt.” What I mean by this is there have been many times in my life where I’ve felt completely alone and like I had no one to go to. Because of this, I do my best to reach out to others whenever I see someone struggling and offer them a hand. A simple “hey, I’m here if you need someone to talk to” can make a world of a difference for someone struggling. Have compassion for others and make sure the people you care about know how much you love and support them.
Think of the worst case scenario.
This is something I learned from my mother, and it helped me through a lot of stressful situations. My mother would always ask me what the absolute worst case scenario was for whatever I was worrying about. More often than not, the worst case scenario is not actually as bad as you have made it to be in your head. This approach also allows you to look at the worst possible outcome, think about how you would deal with it and resolve it. You can show yourself even if the worst happens, everything is still going to be ok.
It’s hard to grow without a little pain.
This saying is one I recently heard from a friend, and it really resonated with me. During puberty, while bones and muscles grow and get stronger, you have to experience some pain throughout your body. When I heard this, I realized the same is very true with your heart and your mind: they experience growing pains too. Some of the most impactful events in your life will also be some of the hardest, but you will learn a lot from them. Losing friends, a breakup or any other number of painful events are opportunities for tremendous personal growth. It may hurt for the time being, but you will come out of it stronger.
There are an infinite number of other good sayings out in the universe, but these ones have helped me personally through some dark days. Hopefully you can apply these to your life or come up with you own sayings to help you.